I will.........in 2008

Continue to lose weight
Get my jewelry in more stores and across the US.
Start and use my face book
Live in the moment
Be a better patient loving mommy and wife
Read more books that are not only about parenting
Give myself the time I need to do these things
Better my soldering skills
Love myself more
Spend more time with family and friends
Let more of the fluff of life go
Travel a place or two
Save more money
Pay off some bills
Invest some money
Be hard on myself in the places where I am weak
And be easier on myself in the places I push to hard
learn more and grow from it
embrace my happiness
get on the floor and play with my kids more and remember to do this while wearing lipstick

I will be a fashionably happy mommy in 2008 because that is me!

Au Revior 2007

In 2007........
We bought a New Home, its twice the size of our other and we have space for everything!
We nested, painted the house bright colors and planted sod.
I received one of the most beautiful gifts ever, an amazing friend planted our gardens in our new home while we nested with our newborn. I still cry over this.
We welcomed Ruby Lu into our family
Ava started her last year of preschool
Maddie passed, days after turning 13. We love and miss you Mama.
Breyne QUIT smoking.
Ruby began crawling and talking (Mama, Dada, Uh Oh, Dog, Cat, no no no and saat (whats that)).
Ava learned to write every letter of the alphabet.
My Dad had a heart attack and a stroke and survived (Yes he is the "Mexican Robocop" as our friend called him)
I learned that little people can heal the deepest wounds and that age in friendship doesn't matter at all. Two of my favorite friends are only four years old.
I aggressively pursued soldering this year. I picked up a lot of skills and finally saw, I do have a talent.
Breyne and I started off as kids because of this, we had a whole lot of turbulence. We were never able to let each other go. We married when we were ready and naturally had our baby, Ava. Life seemed perfect, we were terrified to grow and now we see that Ruby was so meant to be. Nothing is better than being together, nothing at all.
Thank you 2007! With much love and happiness we wish us all an incredible 2008.
xoxo

Sneak Preview

So I've been soldering and I'm in the process of setting up a home studio/kick boxing garage at home. Our bedroom has access to our garage, weird but functional. I melt metal while Breyne works out. It works for us and I enjoy the heavy bag too. Here are three pieces from my collection in process. These are entirely hand soldered and hammered by moi. The riveted pendant is an arizona iced tea soda can. I love those cherry blossoms.
I made the bezel cup for this ring. Its pretty simple this ring. I think the magic is in the stone.

Happy Holidays!

It's the end of the year and amongst all, we are happy. Ruby started crawling a month ago and I can't believe the way this little girl talks! She likes to hold things in each hand. She learned over the weekend if she wants something, she holds her hand out to you. Sometimes she grunts and other times you just get the hand. When you give her something, she dances and squishes her face and nose. She knows how to say thank you in her own way.
Ava is on winter break. So far, I am loving it! We are keeping busy with play dates, visiting Papa and even making cookies! I'm surprised that I have been able to pull off the holidays in this domestic way. It's really not one of my strengths.
We are having a good time together in our immediate family. It's really rough on the outside but up here on Mt. Angelus, things are really, really good!

Happy thoughts keep us going.......

We took the girls to Disneyland a few weeks ago. It was fun. We lasted eight hours! I coudln't believe it. Breyne and I paid for it the next day. Ruby did fantastic and Ava, she had the time of her life!

My Dad

It's 1:42 a.m. and my nerves are shot. I got a call early yesterday morning saying that my dad had a stroke. I was very confused as to what to do with my girls that day. I selfishly wanted to take Ava to keep her close to me but realized I should keep her day normal until I knew more. I ended up taking Ava to school. Ruby and I went to join my parents and brother at St. Jude hospital in Fullerton. The doctor confirmed he did indeed have a stroke and that his cardiac enzymes were rising so a heart attack was on the way. Something odd came over me. I had a terrible stomachache and headache but I was unable to cry. I wanted to cry more than anything. I wanted comfort and to feel better but my fear froze my emotions. My Dad did end up having a major heart attack and survived. After several procedures, one including them going up his leg and placing 4 stints, he survived. He also survived in good spirits and was cracking jokes by the end of the day. It was a blessing. He said he was scared but felt so much better.
Ava stayed with Diane. I'm a wreck without her. I know she is so much better off but I want her more than anything right now. My nerves are still a wreck. I've been able to cry but not nearly enough. I want to vomit to ease my pain. I can't stop thinking about all I almost lost and most importantly it reminded me of something, I have said that my dad wasn't "emotional". My dad wasn't emotional because he didn't know how to be. Not because he was a bad person. His Mom died when he was four. He was the youngest of five brothers. His father was an alcoholic. My dad says very little of his childhood because it wasn't pleasant. I know my dad was rarely supported and was abused. My dad always supported us and never abused us. He just didn't really know how to talk to girls and he had three of them. Two girly girls and one tom boy. Yes, he was the closest to the tom boy. I was very sensitive and extremely girly. He loved me but there were a lot of misunderstandings. As a woman, I look back on those times, times when I remember reaching out to him and asking him to know me better and him truly looking confused. He tried so hard and even though he didn't know my favorite colors or the things that were important to me at those times, he did love me, very much. He loved me so much, he put me in sports and coached me. It was an attempt to reach me. He would swing with me and miss but he did try.
My Dad, he reaches Ava..........she decided to call him Papa as a baby. He was touched. He called his dad "Pop" so to be called Papa made him feel proud. My Dad has always been sick since Ava has been here. She has always been empathetic and in tune with him. She has often drawn marks on her arm where his dialysis shunt is and states "Im like papa". My dad falls a lot. Lately when Ava falls or stumbles she says "Im acting like papa". Ava has a wonderland here at my parents. She spreads all her toys about but when she hears her papa coming, she runs and clears the way so he doesn't trip. My dad can't see well and he has very low energy. Ava likes to nap with him and hold his hand to help him get from one area to the next. Tonight, I am lost with out her. I know that I have done with right thing for her. She is having a blast and is with the best, I just need her so much right now. I want to hold her and squeeze her.
My dad didn't have an easy time emotionally connecting with me and my sister but he connected with Ava's soul long before she arrived.
I woke up an hour ago, finally crying and needing to vomit. I thought typing out my feelings would help and it has. I feel so much better......

Breyne

If you ask Breyne what its like to have kids, he will tell you "its the best thing that could ever happen to a person". I've heard him say this over and over again. I agree its fantasic but I will always say, I am freakin tired! I know its different from man to woman but I am always blown away when I look at him as a father. He is so fun, patient and loving!! I was always taught to believe that men just weren't like this. I never understood the term daddy's girl because everything, everything revolved around my mother. No disrespect to my dad, like I've said he is a nice man, he's just not emotionally present. I feel incredibly blessed that my girls get to have Breyne for a daddy. I get to see first hand what its like to have daddy's girls. Through them, I am learning and healing a part of me.
About a month ago Breyne left for the weekend to see a friend. We called him throughout the weekend and Ava kept telling him that it just wasn't ok he traveled without us and little Ruby kept saying dadadada.....all weekend. I am blown away.

Firehouse Day

Today Ava's nursery school went to the local fire house. It was lot of fun. Ava and her friends got to see a demonstration on how the firemen get ready to fight fires and they got to play in their uniform. They also got a full view of the house and how they live. Ava and her friends were allowed to climb all over the fire truck including up to the top ladder. That was a little scary but Ava nonetheless had tons of fun. On of my favorite things about Ava's school is the field trips. This was a good one.

Bath Time!

The girls had their first bath together last week. Ava was so happy and Ruby couldn't stop screaming and splashing water. It was loads of fun and much easier on mommy. Ruby will be nine months in a few days and she and Ava are now sharing a room. Breyne and I are loving the new transition. Ruby is sleeping better through the night and Ava doesn't have a need to be in our room as much. Breyne and I are really enjoying life. We are very blessed!

Hermon Park 2006

I hope you've read my two earlier posts. I am quite fascinated with my findings. This is a performance art piece at a Day of the Dead Festival at Hermon Park last year. Let me remind you that the 2006 photos are from a different camera than this year. A psychic once told me that spirits show themselves to me. I'm thinking of her a lot today. All of these photos, I have taken.

Hollywood Forever 2006

If you read my post earlier about our experience at the 2007 Hollywood Forever altars, here is a picture of 2006 at the same location. That year we went without Ava at a much later time. This was the photo I had with the most bubbles. My feeling is this year we made it at the time of the procession. Last year, we were hours later.

Hollywood Forever

Halloween and Day of The Dead have always been my favorite holidays. I have friends that are huge Christmas fans. I have fun on Christmas but I could honestly take it or leave it. Halloween and Day of the Dead are filled with so much color and creativity. Dia de los Muertos is a big day for family and honoring those who have passed and Halloween is pure fun. El Dia de Los Muertos is a day to remember who we have lost and love with yummy colors and art work.
This year we took Ava for her first trip to the Cemetary. She was a little creeped out at the idea of visiting a place where dead people are but, she quickly recovered with excitement when she heard she was going to see alters. Alters are a big deal in our family. Last year she and I created a masterpiece!
Every time we go, I take my camera so I can remember my favorites and use them as inspiration or a pick me up. This year when I would look over certain images, I would notice these little "bubbles". At first, I thought my lense was dirty and began to clean it. The next photo, there they were again. Then I noticed that certain photos had much less "bubbles" and some had none at all. I became very curious about these said bubbles and pulled up my pictures from last year. Low and behold I found some of those similar "bubbles" found in those pictures too taken by a different camera.
Each year at our house, there have been clues that our family has made their journey home but to see this on camera was truely amazing. I would get thee to Hollywood Forever and see the power of life coming home.

Pumpkin Girl

Ava's school had an amazing feild trip to the pumpkin farm. Ruby and I had a great time with Ava and all her school friends. I love fall and Halloween. It's my favorite time of year. This year, Ava has wanted to be Strawberry Shortcake, a Witch, Dorothy, Lava Girl and now she says Snow White. I can't keep up with this little one.
Last year, she had to be Madeline. That wasn't an easy costume to find. I had to search every where to find out it was sold out. I ended up having to go to ebay. I was so anxious to get her that costume, I ended up winning two. I didn't realize I had bid on two different costumes. After she tried her costume one, ran around and proclaimed daddy as "Pepito" she said....."I want to be an Owl". Let me say......she was a gorgeous Owl! Life is different having two, sometimes I miss the intensity that me and Ava had. She's a special child. Her heart is much larger than her body. Our family has four times the love now and mommy is spread pretty thin.

Thanks Friends

When I was 29, a friend told me that in your thirties you heal from all the things that happened in your twenties. She was right. I have grown and learned a lot in these first two years as a thirty something. I heard from another friend yesterday that in your forties, you realize that people make their own choices. I love to hear these words of wisdom. I love the friends I have made as a woman. I am an extremely empathetic person and I have been known to wrap myself up in a few situations I didn't want to be in. Today my life is filled with amazing friends. I've learned so much and I am happy. Thank you wonderful friends. I love you all.

Prong Setting

Here it is, my first prong setting. I've been doing a lot of silver smithing in a studio and I am finally getting around to listing some of my items. I have some resin settings I am pretty excited about. When I pick those up, I will list those too. So far, I have made a ring, several bezel cups, a silver folded flower, and this prong setting. I'm having a great time!

Dad

My parents came over today. I was very tired and laying on the couch. My husband and father were in the same room talking about raising daughters. Even though I wanted to sleep, my ears couldn't resist. I heard my Dad tell my husband to "enjoy his girls this young because one day you will miss them so much. I know I miss my daughters." I was surprised to hear this. My dad doesn't talk much about his feelings and even though he was a nice dad, he wasn't very emotional with us as kids. I popped up and asked, you miss me? He smiled and said "yes, I have dreams about when you were young" and talked about his memories of me. I was so touched, I couldn't take the grin off my face. Breyne noticed and gave me the sweetest smile from across the room. My girls are lucky....

Ruby's Pimp Crib

We stayed home this weekend. It was so nice, other than Ruby's very awful cold. It was nice to see the rain and lounge around together. My parents, sister and friend came for a visit. That was nice too.
Ruby's delicious crib was delivered too. Its the most gorgeous crib ever. I always thought the bedding made the crib....not this one! All she is wearing is an organic sheet. I may toss a handmade doll and a cozy blanket in there but otherwise, she's done! Oh and that super cool flat screen looking tv thing, thats this sweet target find! Its made by lamaze, you can attach your ipod for music and there are cute little nature pictures it scrolls through. Baby products.........theres lots of money to be made there.

Good Shit....

This is really amazing.....life should be filled with colorful plastic pieces. Brilliant!!

Roo Roo

She turned 7 months yesterday!! She got two teeth last week. She says Mama and Dada and sits all on her own. When Ruby is excited, she kicks her legs, squeeks, grabs and scratches! She's so mellow and can be pretty intense. She's always known how to tell us what she doesn't like. She still likes her feet bare. We'll see what happens when the winter comes.
I have so much to say about my little one. I just don't know how to put my beating heart into words. I've always told Ava that she taught me how to be a mommy, Ruby has taught me how enjoy every little moment of it. I love my girls......I love'em!

Bye Bye Summer

We had a good one. It was our first summer with out two girls. We did a little bit of traveling, a few beach trips, and lots of nesting in our home. We didn't make it camping, maybe next summer. At the end of summer, Ruby turned six months and Ava turned four. I never like the growing up part. I feel like Ava was a baby last week. Ava was a month short of turning three here. She tells me she wants to be an "actress". She does love the camera!

They're Candy

They are bright, colorful and yummy. Ruby is very lucky that Ava is her big sister. I've never seen a bigger fan.

New Doo

I saw this haircut a year ago in an anthropologie catalog. I didn't have a good hair stylist and she couldn't imagine leaving the front pieces a good six inches longer than the back. I finally found someone who can see outside of the box. I like it.

Butterfly

It was graduation day for the four year olds. Next year, Ava will be graduating. I can't believe how fast the years have flown by. Babies just aren't babies long enough.

Family Bed

Life has changed me. I never saw myself as alternative when it came to children. I never thought our kids would end up in progressive schools. I never knew that motherhood would zap me with such shocking love that I would turn green. I have learned so much over the last few years. I have made wonderful friends. I have learned how to pull out my creativity while being a mama first. I love my family, I love my life, I just wish there was more room on the bed......

Oh no, I'm boring!

My sister came to visit last weekend. She was telling me all about her fabulous single life in San Francisco. She has lots of close friends, she dates a lot, she works from home, she has pretty things. She looks pretty at all times and she showers EVERYDAY!! I miss being able to shower. :) So she comes to my house, stays in our guest room and pretty much watches me be a mother to my girls. She asks me questions and seems so interested and wants to reinforce what I have learned as a parent. This is my older sister, whom I shared a room with, had my first drink with and slept in her bed when I had my first heartache. This is my sister who got me ready for prom, who gave me her I.D. when she turned 21 and smoked cigarettes with me until we were sick. My older sister who I watched get ready each day and told her how pretty she looked and she would reply, "I know". Me, the little sister who would get into her stuff and make her so angry. Little did she know, I did that because I wanted to be just like her. We have so much fun together. To this day, we sit on our mothers couch exchange tabloids and make each other laugh. I have always been the free spirited one and she has always been the driven lawyer. She paid her price to be a lawyer and now she has found her happiness as a lawyer and a person.
So on Saturay night, after a full day of her watching me do my mommy thing, we opened a bottle of wine and put in a movie. For the first time, I felt insecure like I was so boring compared to her life. I didn't tell her until the next day that I was worried. It was a surprise to me, I had always been the one who she had fun with and now her life was so exciting and mine was too but in a different way. I wondered if a single woman of the city life could appreciate my suburban family life??
Her first day home, we spoke and she ended the conversation with "your not boring."
Sisters........what a gift. Im so proud and happy for her.

Albino Peacock

Have you ever seen such a beauty!?! I've loved peacocks since I was a small child. I have never seen an albino peacock. My husband sent me this picture. I hope to one day see one. I'm a huge fan of color but white is quite beautiful too.

::::Gush::::

Seriously this picture is TOO MUCH!

Moby

Ava was on her way to school to do her show and tell. She was very excited to have her bear, wrapped in her sling, that is just like mommy's. I grabbed my camera because I couldn't resist and she gave me this....

I miss my cat

Kasey, I was 18 when I got him and 31 when I lost him. We grew up together and now he is gone. He's some where but I don't know where. I wish he got to meet Ruby and live in our new house. I hate that my home doesn't know him. He is a part of me and every day my heart stretches out to find him. I don't know if I ever will. He was much more than a cat, he was my best friend and family. I wish he could kiss my nose once more.

Onyx Drop

It's really hard for me to show the jewelry I make. Today I am forcing myself. This piece was made with feminism in mind. Sterling silver links, onyx semi precious stones and black and creme polka dot ribbon.

A chipmunk with tattoos

This is how Ava came home from school the other day. We choose her school because we wanted her to be a free spirit. I remember about a year ago if she got a drop of paint on herself, she was done painting. Now, she is marking up her entire body. I'm happy she can be free and she will have some great memories too! She told me she is a chipmunk with tattoos like daddy. She said if she had painted her hair blue she would have been a mermaid. I'm so glad she didn't do that.

Hormones?

Today I was playing with Ruby's toes. I began to tell her how she would touch many differnt soils in her lifetime. I wondered who should would be, what she would do. How far would she travel? I hoped she would see the world. I kept thinking and thinking about all of her possibilites until I found myself in tears. Life is amazing, is it her birth that makes me feel so hopeful? Is it all these hormones? I think its a combination of both.

Dancing Queens

“I will not play tug o' war. I'd rather play hug o' war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.” - Shel Silverstein

Ava can write letters and draw faces. Next time, I hope she uses paper.

This is us... Ruby sleeps and Ava is all personality!

Its my turn to sleep and all I want to do is look at them.

My gifts

The Universe gave me two gifts, Ava and Ruby. I am very fortuante to be their mommy. I am often gushing with love because of them. I can't recall what I did to be so lucky. Its my journey I want to share with everyone. I am so very blessed.