Friday, January 1, 2010

What I Learned in 2009

2009 was a really hard year! I was very happy to say good bye to the year. I know our January is going to have some residue from 2009 but, I do know it is residue and 2010 is going to be brighter!

In 2009, I learned what loss really is. I lost my father mid June. I learned that each day I would go on with the peace he is no longer suffering but the heartache he is no longer with us. I learned that no matter how many self help books one may read, it doesn't mean they are actually taking in the changes needed. I learned that even though someone may not have reacted the way you hoped they would, doesn't mean they do not love you. I continued to learn what friendship really is and I learned what friendship is not. I learned how to crochet, knot jewelry and embroider several different stitches. I learned patients, I learned to love more. I learned about loss on many different levels. I learned what extreme levels of stress are. I learned what I don't like and what I don't want to be. I learned to be humble. I learned to appreciate each moment more. I learned to chant for my inner strength. I learned a lot about sadness. I learned a lot in 2009. Im looking forward to healing more and growing more in 2010. Im looking for change. Im looking for hope. Im looking forward to the new year!!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Good Bye Summer 2009

As summer comes to an end, I'm sad that Ava wont be home as much, I can't believe that Ruby will be going to preschool!!!! It should be a fun exciting good year! See you later summer, hello fall........

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sweet Sweet Papa

I used to catch my dad outside playing hopscotch with Ava. I would get so mad at him because he was so sick and could barely walk. He would grin at me with his childlike grin and say "Im not hopping"and would continue to play. Today, I am so glad he never let my fears stop him. These memories bring me happiness. There's so much I have said and want to say about how I feel about him not being sick anymore and him not being here with us anymore. I just can find all the right words so I leave here, my father's eulogy. I love you dad, I miss you dad, I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you. Everyday I am trying to learn and trying to figure out how to survive because I know this is what you want. This is Joe:

In Memory of Joseph Luis Loya
My Father, a Loving Husband, Loving Dad and Pappa
June 22, 2009

For anyone who does not know me or has not seen me since I was a young child, I’m Edward, my dad’s only son and I would like to say a few words in memory of my father, Joseph Luis Loya, also known to the Loya family as Leone. I would like to start off by thanking everyone on behalf of my mom, my sisters, and myself for taking the time to celebrate the life of my hero, my father. Today is a very sad day for us, everyone’s tears are a symbol of how much we love my dad. I want to stress that I used the word “Love” in the present tense. Nobody here today will forget my father, he was an inspiration to us all. He was a Loving Husband, Father, Pappa, Brother, Cousin, and Friend.
My dad has two priorities in his life, his family and friends and most importantly his wife. My dad lived for my mom, he loved her so much. My dad went through a lot these last few years, he gave us more life than was expected. 95% of the fight my dad gave was for his one true love, his lovely wife, my beautiful mother.
Just out of high school, my dad had a talk with me about what adventures life would bring me. He told me that in time, God would bless me with the love of my life. He said from their first date he knew my mom was the one. He knew his life was about to change and that he had to do all he could to make her happy. He then told me how much he loved me and my sisters and wanted to explain that when we had disagreements with my mother, why he always took her side. He said, “Mijo, I love you and your sisters very much, you are a blessing from God. You’re a bonus, when I married your mother, I promised her to love her for the rest of my life and for all eternity. I will always choose your mom’s side, no matter what.” It was a big moment for me, it was the day I truly realized, “I want to be my dad.”
My dad loved his sports teams, everyone here has seen my dad at one time or another wearing either a USC, Rams, or Dodgers hat. My dad watched every Dodger game on TV from beginning to end. Of course that meant my mom had to do the same. He was able to compromise though, in between innings he would turn on American Idol, but change it back at the first chance he had. I have no doubt in my mind that when my Grandfather, Grandmother, Aunt Aurora, Uncle Sal, and Nino Sebio welcomed my dad home, the first thing he said was “Did the Dodgers win?”
My dad coached girls softball and girls soccer for several years. He was a very successful soccer coach, teams would accuse him of cheating because his teams always won. His Soccer Boppers were his pride and joy as they were his first team to complete the season as Undefeated Champions. My dad named all of his teams, the Soccer Boppers is the name he always liked most. My dad loved each and every girl he coached as if they were one of his daughters. His coaching career lasted just over 20 years, well over 100 girls played for him through that span. My dad gave every girl he coached a different nickname and never used the same nickname twice. He even had the famous “Thunder and Lightning” when he coached my sister Lisa. My dad liked to be like Pat Riley, the great Lakers coach. He always carried his clip board. If there was a bad call he would slam that clipboard down as hard as he could. I had the pleasure of coaching with my dad for 6 of those years. It was very hard for my dad to walk away from coaching, to him, his health didn’t matter it was about his girls.
My dad was the kindest man I’ve ever met. He had a glow about him, and an inviting smile, this is one of the reasons everyone is here today. He was very unselfish, if anyone came to visit while my dad was eating he would always offer half. The only thing my dad would not share were his donuts, they were precious to him. But he would gladly give you money to buy your own. As an accountant, who had his own business, my dad would work all hours of the day and night for his clients. He always made sure his clients felt like they were part of the family and not just business associates.
My dad also had a fun sense of humor. As children, my dad never woke us up by knocking on the door. He would sing to us, or make foghorn sounds until we got up. He loved to tease my mom about her age, although he was 6 years older. Whenever we had friends over while growing up, he would always be sure to say some sort of joke so that when our friends left they left our house with a smile on their face. At restaurants he would always have some sort of smart answer to the waiter or waitress. He tried to order a big mac at Chili’s once. He also liked to tell waitresses that I was single.
My dad said recently that he was not sure what his purpose in life was. His purpose was the loving man that he was. He was a patriarch to our family on my mom’s side, he was a surrogate father to many. My dad never saw things as black and white, and never judged anyone. He always tried to find the good in someone, and never bad mouthed anyone. Although this has been so hard for all of us, my dad does not want anyone to grieve for him. He wants us all to be happy and to celebrate. He wants someone to let him to know how his Rams and Trojans do every week, and of course the Dodgers scores.
Finally, I would like to end with a quote provided by my sister Monika. This is a quote from Joseph P. Kennedy (John F. Kennedy's father) who once said, "The measure of a man's success in life is not the money he's made, it's the kind of family he has raised." That said, my dad lived a life that we all hope and pray for, he touched the hearts of many friends and family, heaven is a better place today.
We love you dad, you will forever be in our hearts.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Graduate

The day after Ava's kindergarten graduation, we lost Papa, my father. Obviously many things have gone a little crazy but mostly, I need to give all of her accomplishments their proper attention. She finished kindergarten and did awesome! Ava is growing up in so many ways every day. We are so proud of her, her adorable accent, her new friends, the fact that she learned everything in two languages this year and mostly for the beautiful gentle person she is. Before beginning first grade, Ava will do many things this summer. She is signed up for several art camps, fairy tale ballet, tons of play dates, lots of mini trips and each night, she's been reading one book to her sister in Spanish. I've seen so much growth in Ava. She's a beautiful enlightened being and I learn from her everyday. I love you baby!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

My Bubble Ring

That's my jewelry in the center picture.