Monday, December 31, 2007

I will.........in 2008

Continue to lose weight
Get my jewelry in more stores and across the US.
Start and use my face book
Live in the moment
Be a better patient loving mommy and wife
Read more books that are not only about parenting
Give myself the time I need to do these things
Better my soldering skills
Love myself more
Spend more time with family and friends
Let more of the fluff of life go
Travel a place or two
Save more money
Pay off some bills
Invest some money
Be hard on myself in the places where I am weak
And be easier on myself in the places I push to hard
learn more and grow from it
embrace my happiness
get on the floor and play with my kids more and remember to do this while wearing lipstick

I will be a fashionably happy mommy in 2008 because that is me!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Au Revior 2007




In 2007........
We bought a New Home, its twice the size of our other and we have space for everything!
We nested, painted the house bright colors and planted sod.
I received one of the most beautiful gifts ever, an amazing friend planted our gardens in our new home while we nested with our newborn. I still cry over this.
We welcomed Ruby Lu into our family
Ava started her last year of preschool
Maddie passed, days after turning 13. We love and miss you Mama.
Breyne QUIT smoking.
Ruby began crawling and talking (Mama, Dada, Uh Oh, Dog, Cat, no no no and saat (whats that)).
Ava learned to write every letter of the alphabet.
My Dad had a heart attack and a stroke and survived (Yes he is the "Mexican Robocop" as our friend called him)
I learned that little people can heal the deepest wounds and that age in friendship doesn't matter at all. Two of my favorite friends are only four years old.
I aggressively pursued soldering this year. I picked up a lot of skills and finally saw, I do have a talent.
Breyne and I started off as kids because of this, we had a whole lot of turbulence. We were never able to let each other go. We married when we were ready and naturally had our baby, Ava. Life seemed perfect, we were terrified to grow and now we see that Ruby was so meant to be. Nothing is better than being together, nothing at all.
Thank you 2007! With much love and happiness we wish us all an incredible 2008.
xoxo

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Sneak Preview




So I've been soldering and I'm in the process of setting up a home studio/kick boxing garage at home. Our bedroom has access to our garage, weird but functional. I melt metal while Breyne works out. It works for us and I enjoy the heavy bag too. Here are three pieces from my collection in process. These are entirely hand soldered and hammered by moi. The riveted pendant is an arizona iced tea soda can. I love those cherry blossoms.
I made the bezel cup for this ring. Its pretty simple this ring. I think the magic is in the stone.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Happy Holidays!



It's the end of the year and amongst all, we are happy. Ruby started crawling a month ago and I can't believe the way this little girl talks! She likes to hold things in each hand. She learned over the weekend if she wants something, she holds her hand out to you. Sometimes she grunts and other times you just get the hand. When you give her something, she dances and squishes her face and nose. She knows how to say thank you in her own way.
Ava is on winter break. So far, I am loving it! We are keeping busy with play dates, visiting Papa and even making cookies! I'm surprised that I have been able to pull off the holidays in this domestic way. It's really not one of my strengths.
We are having a good time together in our immediate family. It's really rough on the outside but up here on Mt. Angelus, things are really, really good!

Happy thoughts keep us going.......



We took the girls to Disneyland a few weeks ago. It was fun. We lasted eight hours! I coudln't believe it. Breyne and I paid for it the next day. Ruby did fantastic and Ava, she had the time of her life!

Friday, December 7, 2007

My Dad

It's 1:42 a.m. and my nerves are shot. I got a call early yesterday morning saying that my dad had a stroke. I was very confused as to what to do with my girls that day. I selfishly wanted to take Ava to keep her close to me but realized I should keep her day normal until I knew more. I ended up taking Ava to school. Ruby and I went to join my parents and brother at St. Jude hospital in Fullerton. The doctor confirmed he did indeed have a stroke and that his cardiac enzymes were rising so a heart attack was on the way. Something odd came over me. I had a terrible stomachache and headache but I was unable to cry. I wanted to cry more than anything. I wanted comfort and to feel better but my fear froze my emotions. My Dad did end up having a major heart attack and survived. After several procedures, one including them going up his leg and placing 4 stints, he survived. He also survived in good spirits and was cracking jokes by the end of the day. It was a blessing. He said he was scared but felt so much better.
Ava stayed with Diane. I'm a wreck without her. I know she is so much better off but I want her more than anything right now. My nerves are still a wreck. I've been able to cry but not nearly enough. I want to vomit to ease my pain. I can't stop thinking about all I almost lost and most importantly it reminded me of something, I have said that my dad wasn't "emotional". My dad wasn't emotional because he didn't know how to be. Not because he was a bad person. His Mom died when he was four. He was the youngest of five brothers. His father was an alcoholic. My dad says very little of his childhood because it wasn't pleasant. I know my dad was rarely supported and was abused. My dad always supported us and never abused us. He just didn't really know how to talk to girls and he had three of them. Two girly girls and one tom boy. Yes, he was the closest to the tom boy. I was very sensitive and extremely girly. He loved me but there were a lot of misunderstandings. As a woman, I look back on those times, times when I remember reaching out to him and asking him to know me better and him truly looking confused. He tried so hard and even though he didn't know my favorite colors or the things that were important to me at those times, he did love me, very much. He loved me so much, he put me in sports and coached me. It was an attempt to reach me. He would swing with me and miss but he did try.
My Dad, he reaches Ava..........she decided to call him Papa as a baby. He was touched. He called his dad "Pop" so to be called Papa made him feel proud. My Dad has always been sick since Ava has been here. She has always been empathetic and in tune with him. She has often drawn marks on her arm where his dialysis shunt is and states "Im like papa". My dad falls a lot. Lately when Ava falls or stumbles she says "Im acting like papa". Ava has a wonderland here at my parents. She spreads all her toys about but when she hears her papa coming, she runs and clears the way so he doesn't trip. My dad can't see well and he has very low energy. Ava likes to nap with him and hold his hand to help him get from one area to the next. Tonight, I am lost with out her. I know that I have done with right thing for her. She is having a blast and is with the best, I just need her so much right now. I want to hold her and squeeze her.
My dad didn't have an easy time emotionally connecting with me and my sister but he connected with Ava's soul long before she arrived.
I woke up an hour ago, finally crying and needing to vomit. I thought typing out my feelings would help and it has. I feel so much better......

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Breyne



If you ask Breyne what its like to have kids, he will tell you "its the best thing that could ever happen to a person". I've heard him say this over and over again. I agree its fantasic but I will always say, I am freakin tired! I know its different from man to woman but I am always blown away when I look at him as a father. He is so fun, patient and loving!! I was always taught to believe that men just weren't like this. I never understood the term daddy's girl because everything, everything revolved around my mother. No disrespect to my dad, like I've said he is a nice man, he's just not emotionally present. I feel incredibly blessed that my girls get to have Breyne for a daddy. I get to see first hand what its like to have daddy's girls. Through them, I am learning and healing a part of me.
About a month ago Breyne left for the weekend to see a friend. We called him throughout the weekend and Ava kept telling him that it just wasn't ok he traveled without us and little Ruby kept saying dadadada.....all weekend. I am blown away.