Early yesterday morning, I found out my dad had a seizure. I was surprised and felt really bad for him. I reacted in my seemingly new "normal" reactions and said....."Breyne my dad had a seizure, lets go out to breakfast." Sad, I know. I call that "new" because over the last year or two, instead of instantly reacting, I don't feel it at all until later, which is rare and scary for me. So we went out to breakfast and it was a nice one, we played with girls, joked, you never would have guessed I got that call and I hadn't thought about it since.
Then we got home and I quickly asked a friend to watch our girls and starting making a pile of all this sewing stuff I was going to take with me because I was going to sew. I don't know what but I am going to sew and Breyne is watching me pack all my stuff up and I'm telling him, I need my needles I can't find them and he's going along. Sweet, sweet man. So we get in the car and my heart is racing and I am saying to myself, what is happening, you don't even know yourself any more when it comes to your dad. Im asking myself, what was all that gathering of sewing supplies stuff about? I then put on my big dark sunglasses and say to myself........now figure out a quite way to have a melt down because you need to have one. I'm in the passengers seat and Im biting my finger and I'm crying.
As I look up into the sky, I see bright white clouds and I remind myself how I always found things in the clouds when I was a kid, so I start looking again. I see a crocodile and the little girl in me hears my dad say "After A While Crocodile". He used to tell me that every morning when he dropped me off at school. Then the crocodile turns into a dragon spitting firing and blows away and that made me cry more, watching the cloud blow away.
The entire time, Breyne is trying to hold my hand, look at me, drive and be calm himself.
When we got there, my dad looked ok, his emotions were high and he was very scared. My dad cried a lot and said he's afraid to die. He looks like a young child in desperate need for reassurance. Its very hard for me to understand why he is so worried. I would think his fight and torture of his illness would make him want to give up, but it never has. Maybe thats what the dragon spitting fire was telling me?
Since my dad moved, I don't visit him often enough. It's really hard for me to see him. I wish it wasn't but it is. I am working on it and I am aware. I feel terrible about it and I understand it to. He is stable for now and I'm working on not trying to keep my experiences with this so bottled up. The beauty of blogging...........
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Etsy Front Page 4/15/09 theshadesofgreen
My jewelry made the front page of Etsy. It feels so good! :D
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Their First Recital Together
The girls had their first recital together with Ms Claire. A few weeks before Ruby turned two, she started to take a dance class. Ava took these same classes and began the day she turned two. Although Ava takes, hip hop and ballet at the dance academy, she wanted to take tap too. I can't blame her but we didn't want to pay the academy prices for another class. So I signed them both up with Ms Claire through the city of South Pasadena. Ruby on Monday's and Ava on Thursdays. They are both loving it!! Ruby loves the dancing, running, dressing up and the shoes. Ava, she loves the dancing and tapping and her new friends. She has a "tap best friend" her name is Jayden and they got nuts when they see each other for that hour each week.
They had a western theme recital and it was very cute! I think I will post the video and the pictures up. enjoy!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Happy Cakey Day Ruby Lu
Ruby is two and loved her birthday! I think at first she couldn't figure out what was happening and then when she realized it was her day. She was screaming with excitement! For days she was telling me, "more cake mama". She would come up to me while pressing her belly button (thats what she does for comfort) and would say "present mama" or "canny pease" She hasn't stopped asking for candy but I think the other two are done, for now.
Its so fun being with Ruby. She is so funny! She has a great imagination and loves to make people laugh. Ruby has to do everything for herself. Everything......."my do it" as she gets dressed every morning.
Her favorite person, her big sister Ava. "Eeva, Sissy" Thats what we hear all the time. She also gets frustrated pretty quickly and sadly for Ava, that can come down on her. Ruby loves, animals, princesses, dresses, heals, kick boxing, SUGAR, Madagascar and music! She loves to dance and started her first ballet class, she is doing well and she likes all the pictures I take of her.
We are excited for this new year. We know we will hear even more words, she will potty train and her family of imaginary friends will grow. Right now we have bebug thats a lady bug. She lives in her diaper and flies out the window sometimes to play with kids and there is also Maggie that is a baby and she gets all of Rubys clothes she's out grown.
Ruby has a love for babies. She has about 10, they are all naked and she sleeps with all of them. They are called "my stuff" and every morning at five in the morning, Breyne and I take turns carrying each one of those naked dolls into our bed. Its a sweet life we share with Ruby Lu. Happy Birthday Beautiful!
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