Inside my head

What I Learned in 2009

2010-01-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

2009 was a really hard year! I was very happy to say good bye to the year. I know our January is going to have some residue from 2009 but, I do know it is residue and 2010 is going to be brighter!

In 2009, I learned what loss really is. I lost my father mid June. I learned that each day I would go on with the peace he is no longer suffering but the heartache he is no longer with us. I learned that no matter how many self help books one may read, it doesn't mean they are actually taking in the changes needed. I learned that even though someone may not have reacted the way you hoped they would, doesn't mean they do not love you. I continued to learn what friendship really is and I learned what friendship is not. I learned how to crochet, knot jewelry and embroider several different stitches. I learned patients, I learned to love more. I learned about loss on many different levels. I learned what extreme levels of stress are. I learned what I don't like and what I don't want to be. I learned to be humble. I learned to appreciate each moment more. I learned to chant for my inner strength. I learned a lot about sadness. I learned a lot in 2009. Im looking forward to healing more and growing more in 2010. Im looking for change. Im looking for hope. Im looking forward to the new year!!

Queen of Hearts and Alice in Wonderland Costume Set GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-10-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

Love, love, love these!!

Queen of Hearts and Alice in Wonderland Costume Set GIVEAWAY!!!!

Good Bye Summer 2009

2009-08-27T23:46:00.001-07:00

As summer comes to an end, I'm sad that Ava wont be home as much, I can't believe that Ruby will be going to preschool!!!! It should be a fun exciting good year! See you later summer, hello fall........

Sweet Sweet Papa

2009-07-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

I used to catch my dad outside playing hopscotch with Ava. I would get so mad at him because he was so sick and could barely walk. He would grin at me with his childlike grin and say "Im not hopping"and would continue to play. Today, I am so glad he never let my fears stop him. These memories bring me happiness. There's so much I have said and want to say about how I feel about him not being sick anymore and him not being here with us anymore. I just can find all the right words so I leave here, my father's eulogy. I love you dad, I miss you dad, I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you. Everyday I am trying to learn and trying to figure out how to survive because I know this is what you want. This is Joe:

In Memory of Joseph Luis Loya
My Father, a Loving Husband, Loving Dad and Pappa
June 22, 2009

For anyone who does not know me or has not seen me since I was a young child, I’m Edward, my dad’s only son and I would like to say a few words in memory of my father, Joseph Luis Loya, also known to the Loya family as Leone. I would like to start off by thanking everyone on behalf of my mom, my sisters, and myself for taking the time to celebrate the life of my hero, my father. Today is a very sad day for us, everyone’s tears are a symbol of how much we love my dad. I want to stress that I used the word “Love” in the present tense. Nobody here today will forget my father, he was an inspiration to us all. He was a Loving Husband, Father, Pappa, Brother, Cousin, and Friend.
My dad has two priorities in his life, his family and friends and most importantly his wife. My dad lived for my mom, he loved her so much. My dad went through a lot these last few years, he gave us more life than was expected. 95% of the fight my dad gave was for his one true love, his lovely wife, my beautiful mother.
Just out of high school, my dad had a talk with me about what adventures life would bring me. He told me that in time, God would bless me with the love of my life. He said from their first date he knew my mom was the one. He knew his life was about to change and that he had to do all he could to make her happy. He then told me how much he loved me and my sisters and wanted to explain that when we had disagreements with my mother, why he always took her side. He said, “Mijo, I love you and your sisters very much, you are a blessing from God. You’re a bonus, when I married your mother, I promised her to love her for the rest of my life and for all eternity. I will always choose your mom’s side, no matter what.” It was a big moment for me, it was the day I truly realized, “I want to be my dad.”
My dad loved his sports teams, everyone here has seen my dad at one time or another wearing either a USC, Rams, or Dodgers hat. My dad watched every Dodger game on TV from beginning to end. Of course that meant my mom had to do the same. He was able to compromise though, in between innings he would turn on American Idol, but change it back at the first chance he had. I have no doubt in my mind that when my Grandfather, Grandmother, Aunt Aurora, Uncle Sal, and Nino Sebio welcomed my dad home, the first thing he said was “Did the Dodgers win?”
My dad coached girls softball and girls soccer for several years. He was a very successful soccer coach, teams would accuse him of cheating because his teams always won. His Soccer Boppers were his pride and joy as they were his first team to complete the season as Undefeated Champions. My dad named all of his teams, the Soccer Boppers is the name he always liked most. My dad loved each and every girl he coached as if they were one of his daughters. His coaching career lasted just over 20 years, well over 100 girls played for him through that span. My dad gave every girl he coached a different nickname and never used the same nickname twice. He even had the famous “Thunder and Lightning” when he coached my sister Lisa. My dad liked to be like Pat Riley, the great Lakers coach. He always carried his clip board. If there was a bad call he would slam that clipboard down as hard as he could. I had the pleasure of coaching with my dad for 6 of those years. It was very hard for my dad to walk away from coaching, to him, his health didn’t matter it was about his girls.
My dad was the kindest man I’ve ever met. He had a glow about him, and an inviting smile, this is one of the reasons everyone is here today. He was very unselfish, if anyone came to visit while my dad was eating he would always offer half. The only thing my dad would not share were his donuts, they were precious to him. But he would gladly give you money to buy your own. As an accountant, who had his own business, my dad would work all hours of the day and night for his clients. He always made sure his clients felt like they were part of the family and not just business associates.
My dad also had a fun sense of humor. As children, my dad never woke us up by knocking on the door. He would sing to us, or make foghorn sounds until we got up. He loved to tease my mom about her age, although he was 6 years older. Whenever we had friends over while growing up, he would always be sure to say some sort of joke so that when our friends left they left our house with a smile on their face. At restaurants he would always have some sort of smart answer to the waiter or waitress. He tried to order a big mac at Chili’s once. He also liked to tell waitresses that I was single.
My dad said recently that he was not sure what his purpose in life was. His purpose was the loving man that he was. He was a patriarch to our family on my mom’s side, he was a surrogate father to many. My dad never saw things as black and white, and never judged anyone. He always tried to find the good in someone, and never bad mouthed anyone. Although this has been so hard for all of us, my dad does not want anyone to grieve for him. He wants us all to be happy and to celebrate. He wants someone to let him to know how his Rams and Trojans do every week, and of course the Dodgers scores.
Finally, I would like to end with a quote provided by my sister Monika. This is a quote from Joseph P. Kennedy (John F. Kennedy's father) who once said, "The measure of a man's success in life is not the money he's made, it's the kind of family he has raised." That said, my dad lived a life that we all hope and pray for, he touched the hearts of many friends and family, heaven is a better place today.
We love you dad, you will forever be in our hearts.

The Graduate

2009-07-09T00:56:00.000-07:00

The day after Ava's kindergarten graduation, we lost Papa, my father. Obviously many things have gone a little crazy but mostly, I need to give all of her accomplishments their proper attention. She finished kindergarten and did awesome! Ava is growing up in so many ways every day. We are so proud of her, her adorable accent, her new friends, the fact that she learned everything in two languages this year and mostly for the beautiful gentle person she is. Before beginning first grade, Ava will do many things this summer. She is signed up for several art camps, fairy tale ballet, tons of play dates, lots of mini trips and each night, she's been reading one book to her sister in Spanish. I've seen so much growth in Ava. She's a beautiful enlightened being and I learn from her everyday. I love you baby!

My Bubble Ring

2009-05-20T21:32:00.001-07:00

That's my jewelry in the center picture.

Bubble Blowing Skirt and Top GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-05-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

Bubble Blowing Skirt and Top GIVEAWAY!!!!

The Girls

2009-05-11T07:58:00.001-07:00

I realized yesterday I haven't written about my girls in a while. Ava is now 5 and a half and Ruby is two.
Ava is finishing up her first year of school and it went amazingly well. We couldn't have asked for better teachers and staff. Ava did really well, made lots of new friends. She continues to dance and create all she can.
Ruby has transitioned from baby to toddler, she loves to pretend she's a dog and play fetch, there's random imaginary lady bugs all over the house. She dresses herself everyday in her sisters clothes and she still loves her babies! Ruby talks so much and uses big works, I'm really amazed when she can say three syllable words clearly.
Together, they are so sweet! Ava is very gentle and Ruby does all she can to get a rise out of her sister. For the most part, they get along really well.
They both have a love for fashion and creating. I try and let them do their thing, unless its a major holiday with lots of photos taken, then I step in.
Although I am not a fan of hipster fashion, I am when I see my girls looking like them. I am convinced the hipster society is scamming the local kindergarten play ground for fashion sense combined with lack of showering.
Here are a few photos of the girls playing in their daddy's hats and then Ava "modeling" my Baby Ice Necklace. She is convinced "fashion girls" only make mean faces in pictures. Maybe she's right??

Art Nest Pincushion RingGIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-05-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

Art Nest Pincushion RingGIVEAWAY!!!!

I've been selected in a new treasury today!!

2009-05-07T08:53:00.001-07:00

First piece, second row. That's my metal work. I love this bracelet! It's like wearing a corsage!

Grosgrain

2009-05-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

I got a very nice write up in a blog today!

http://www.grosgrainfabulous.blogspot.com/

Please check it out!

Etsy Front Page 4/30/09 Admin

2009-05-01T13:05:00.001-07:00

Etsy Front Page 4/30/09 Admin
Originally uploaded by Etsy Front Pagers

Im very excited that my jewelry is getting such warm recognition!! That's my necklace in the third row!!

Clouds

2009-04-27T12:42:00.000-07:00

Early yesterday morning, I found out my dad had a seizure. I was surprised and felt really bad for him. I reacted in my seemingly new "normal" reactions and said....."Breyne my dad had a seizure, lets go out to breakfast." Sad, I know. I call that "new" because over the last year or two, instead of instantly reacting, I don't feel it at all until later, which is rare and scary for me. So we went out to breakfast and it was a nice one, we played with girls, joked, you never would have guessed I got that call and I hadn't thought about it since.
Then we got home and I quickly asked a friend to watch our girls and starting making a pile of all this sewing stuff I was going to take with me because I was going to sew. I don't know what but I am going to sew and Breyne is watching me pack all my stuff up and I'm telling him, I need my needles I can't find them and he's going along. Sweet, sweet man. So we get in the car and my heart is racing and I am saying to myself, what is happening, you don't even know yourself any more when it comes to your dad. Im asking myself, what was all that gathering of sewing supplies stuff about? I then put on my big dark sunglasses and say to myself........now figure out a quite way to have a melt down because you need to have one. I'm in the passengers seat and Im biting my finger and I'm crying.
As I look up into the sky, I see bright white clouds and I remind myself how I always found things in the clouds when I was a kid, so I start looking again. I see a crocodile and the little girl in me hears my dad say "After A While Crocodile". He used to tell me that every morning when he dropped me off at school. Then the crocodile turns into a dragon spitting firing and blows away and that made me cry more, watching the cloud blow away.
The entire time, Breyne is trying to hold my hand, look at me, drive and be calm himself.
When we got there, my dad looked ok, his emotions were high and he was very scared. My dad cried a lot and said he's afraid to die. He looks like a young child in desperate need for reassurance. Its very hard for me to understand why he is so worried. I would think his fight and torture of his illness would make him want to give up, but it never has. Maybe thats what the dragon spitting fire was telling me?
Since my dad moved, I don't visit him often enough. It's really hard for me to see him. I wish it wasn't but it is. I am working on it and I am aware. I feel terrible about it and I understand it to. He is stable for now and I'm working on not trying to keep my experiences with this so bottled up. The beauty of blogging...........

Etsy Front Page 4/15/09 theshadesofgreen

2009-04-16T08:55:00.001-07:00

Etsy Front Page 4/15/09 theshadesofgreen
Originally uploaded by Etsy Front Pagers

My jewelry made the front page of Etsy. It feels so good! :D

Summer of 69 Thrift Store Refashion Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-03-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

Summer of 69 Thrift Store Refashion Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

Their First Recital Together

2009-03-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

The girls had their first recital together with Ms Claire. A few weeks before Ruby turned two, she started to take a dance class. Ava took these same classes and began the day she turned two. Although Ava takes, hip hop and ballet at the dance academy, she wanted to take tap too. I can't blame her but we didn't want to pay the academy prices for another class. So I signed them both up with Ms Claire through the city of South Pasadena. Ruby on Monday's and Ava on Thursdays. They are both loving it!! Ruby loves the dancing, running, dressing up and the shoes. Ava, she loves the dancing and tapping and her new friends. She has a "tap best friend" her name is Jayden and they got nuts when they see each other for that hour each week.
They had a western theme recital and it was very cute! I think I will post the video and the pictures up. enjoy!

Words to live by

2009-03-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

Paper Crane Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-03-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

Paper Crane Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

Happy Cakey Day Ruby Lu

2009-03-02T11:48:00.000-08:00

Ruby is two and loved her birthday! I think at first she couldn't figure out what was happening and then when she realized it was her day. She was screaming with excitement! For days she was telling me, "more cake mama". She would come up to me while pressing her belly button (thats what she does for comfort) and would say "present mama" or "canny pease" She hasn't stopped asking for candy but I think the other two are done, for now.
Its so fun being with Ruby. She is so funny! She has a great imagination and loves to make people laugh. Ruby has to do everything for herself. Everything......."my do it" as she gets dressed every morning.
Her favorite person, her big sister Ava. "Eeva, Sissy" Thats what we hear all the time. She also gets frustrated pretty quickly and sadly for Ava, that can come down on her. Ruby loves, animals, princesses, dresses, heals, kick boxing, SUGAR, Madagascar and music! She loves to dance and started her first ballet class, she is doing well and she likes all the pictures I take of her.
We are excited for this new year. We know we will hear even more words, she will potty train and her family of imaginary friends will grow. Right now we have bebug thats a lady bug. She lives in her diaper and flies out the window sometimes to play with kids and there is also Maggie that is a baby and she gets all of Rubys clothes she's out grown.
Ruby has a love for babies. She has about 10, they are all naked and she sleeps with all of them. They are called "my stuff" and every morning at five in the morning, Breyne and I take turns carrying each one of those naked dolls into our bed. Its a sweet life we share with Ruby Lu. Happy Birthday Beautiful!

Let's See How I Did In 2008!

2008-12-25T00:07:00.000-08:00

Here is my new years resolutions from last year. I was really excited when the year changed last year. I thought it was going to be this really exciting great new year. It was a hard year but I think a positive one too. Let's see how I did.....

Monday, December 31, 2007
I will.........in 2008
Continue to lose weight
I'm about 18 pounds lighter, not bad
Get my jewelry in more stores and across the US.
I did get my jewelry in more stores but not across the states, I didn't get to take it that far.
Start and use my face book
I didn't do any styling this year (on a professional basis) by choice so the face book didn't happen
Live in the moment
Always a work in progress. Its such a challenge for me
Be a better patient loving mommy and wife
Eh, I always think I can be better at that. I always check myself.
Read more books that are not only about parenting
I enjoyed reading this year. I still want to read more but I did read a lot more than just parenting books.
Give myself the time I need to do these things
I did give myself time.
Better my soldering skills
Did that!
Love myself more
Doing better at this!
Spend more time with family and friends
Did that!
Let more of the fluff of life go
I think I did this.
Travel a place or two
We didn't travel much. We went to Vegas and on a few road trips but sadly not far traveling.
Save more money
Um we tried but it was a hard year.
Pay off some bills
I don't think we paid anything off but we did lower some cards
Invest some money
I invested $100. in January and that was it. I think that was a blessing with all the market crashes tho.
Be hard on myself in the places where I am weak
And be easier on myself in the places I push to hard
Im always good at being hard on myself and I did work on myself a lot this year.
learn more and grow from it - check!
embrace my happiness - working on it and check!
get on the floor and play with my kids more and remember to do this while wearing lipstick - check!

I will be a fashionably happy mommy in 2008. I think I did a good job at this.

It was a hard stressful year but still I managed to use discipline to get me thru what I needed to get thru and I continue to work hard on my areas that need work. I think this is the first year where I set up some goals for myself, plastered them on the internet and actually stuck to most of them!!
I am proud.

Ruby Lu and her Daddy

2008-12-18T14:06:00.000-08:00

Open Studio

2008-12-12T21:29:00.001-08:00

This Sunday, December 14, 2008 from 10 to 5.
My House
6148 Mount Angelus Drive
LA, CA 90042

Please come check out my new designs and have some cookies!

Still in the ring and still a huge dodger fan!

2008-11-10T20:11:00.000-08:00

It was a hard year for our family. We nearly lost our dad several times. My Dad lost his brother, my mom lost her cousin, we lost a friend and we lost our cat of thirteen years, Mama. I couldn't find the motivation to build an altar. We wanted to invite our families for a visit but every time I thought about what I might do this year, I would feel deeply sad. In the end, we didn't build an alter but I did make us a nice dinner on Day of the Dead, we did light candles and said we love you Uncle Sev, We love you mama, we love you Frank and lit a candle for each person. Ava was a little bummed out that there wasn't more notice given to her and Breyne and I allowed a few tears to fall that were unnoticed by the girls. Breyne said to me, It was a really hard year but it was a really good one too. He is right. I never thought my Dad would make it to the end of the year much less dress up as Manny Ramirez for Halloween.
You just never know with my dad. His childhood nickname is Leon which means Lion in spanish. You will never hear my dad's brothers or their kids call him by his name, Joe. It's always Leon or Uncle Leon. I don't know why he has this nickname maybe it was some sort of prediction of his future. My Dad has the heart of a lion.

So Ava.......

2008-10-20T22:25:00.000-07:00

The other day Ava came home with an award, The Citizen of the Month award. I opened her folder and there it was with her name, her principals signature as well as her teachers. The next day the teacher told me she got to select one person for this award and Ava got to accept it in front of the whole school and they took her picture for the hallway. Breyne and I gush over her and laugh and think..........leave it to Ava, the girl who has loved rules since the day she entered the world. We just got her school photo, she is poised, confident and sits high with a big grin on her face like..............."Ava Miller Future President of America" I wonder what her catch phrase will be?? Needless to say, she is doing awesome, learning so much spanish, has made so many new friends and has yet to drop one tear at the idea of being at school. In fact, she loves it!!
Ruby and I are enjoying our time together and little Ruby Lu is really a fun toddler. We take lots of trips to Amy's playground, I can sit and knit. Swork, I can have coffee and sit and knit and the park where I get to enjoy this little twenty pound fearless girl, slide down the steepest of slides.
It's October, my favorite month of the year. My favorite holidays are approaching. We were said to be the power puff girls and Breyne the professor but as it turns out, our intellect wants to be Lucy from Narnia and Ruby will be a candy corn. I have the house decorated and it looks fantastic. I have yet to build my altar, which is sad because I have the perfect space. It was a hard year, filled with loss and I think the loss has held me back from letting loose. I think I maybe taking a year of mourning the pain is still too fresh to embrace there death. I don't know, maybe it will be healing and it needs to happen but its been a thick year loss. We lost family and a friend and our dear cat Mama. I can't think of adding them to our family alter yet, it feels too sad. We will see. However, we all can't wait for Hollywood Forever, please........come with us.

I never liked Heart much until now......the end is my favorite!

2008-10-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Bye Bye September

2008-09-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

September was a very big month for our family. Ava started kindergarten and turned five. Breyne had his birthday and Jenny and Felix tied the knot! Ava also auditioned to dance with The California Contemporary Ballet Company. It's been an emotional month for me. Im very delighted and very heart broken over my growing daughter. Breyne and I are blown away by our girls. I remember the second week of school, it was Monday and I had dropped Ava off at school. I cried all the way home then text Breyne, "Its so hard to drop her off and watch her walk away. I feel sick to my stomach". He replied, "I do too, I keep looking at her baby picture in my phone". The school pictures are Ava leaving for her first day. In the picture of her and Breyne, she had just told him she was nervous and he was telling her he was nervous too his first day of school. Her birthday party was a hit and that little picture of Ruby lu is her looking at her daddy's birthday cake. She calls it "happy cakey" too cute!! Jenny was gorgeous at her wedding and her wedding was beautiful. Ava did an awesome job as flower girl more photos of that to follow soon.........

Happy 18 Months Ruby Lu

2008-08-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

On the 17th, Ruby turned 18 months. We have a family tradition of the four of us having dinner and cupcakes on the girls half birthdays. We also give them a couple of little presents, its a sweet deal. This year, our party was a bit bigger. With the year being so rough for Papa and Grandma, we invited them in on it and they invited Auntie Lisa and Gigi. It was bigger and fun and Grandma did the cooking, score!
Ruby enjoyed some snacks with Papa and Gigi while we prepared dinner. Ava played on the computer and Auntie Lisa and Dada did a little of everything. It was a fun day at Grandmas house.
At her 18 month check up, Ruby is weighing 20 pounds 7 ounces. Her height and weight is in the 10 percentile. She is a lucky girl with a very fast metabolism. Her favorite things to eat are sugar and condiments. Yep thats what you read, sugar and condiments! She'll eat the healthy stuff too but she will ask for a cookie several times a day and if she catches you dippin something, be prepared to share.
Our blossoming firecracker, loves her grandma, mama, dada, sister and animals. She also adores Ava's friends Lulu (who sadly moved but Ruby says her name all the time) and Carmela. Ruby calls her Karma. :) She loves the Boo Bahs, shoes, Paint, preferably on her body, mouth and hair and babies.......!! She might hit and kick but she also hugs and kisses a whole lot! This little chicken in soooooo easy to love!!!!!
I forgot to mention purses. She loves to hold a purse blow a kiss and say bye bye baby! She's used to me running out to get Ava. Ruby can say many words and her favorite sentence is "there it is." I love it, when she likes something she will say "der it ish" so cute!! She often says side for outside, cookie, muk (milk) leths go (lets go) and "go?" for where did it go. She makes these adorable little expressions like her hands up in air and says go?go? or her hands over her mouth with her jaw dropped open, for when she drops something like.....oops! When I am holding her and she wants to walk, she says "cock, cock". Just typing this gets my blood going. Our little chicks have my heart beating heavy and hard. Lucky us.

More really deep thoughts by Ava Miller

2008-08-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

Its dinner time, we are eating breaded chicken, broccoli with scallions and rice. Ava looks up at Breyne and I with a piece of chicken on her fork. "Why do animals have to die just so we can eat dinner? I want chickens alive and fish swimming in the ocean. I don't want to eat them anymore ( she's fighting back crying now) I only want you to make me tofu for meat." We explained to her that as long as she's young she's going to eat meat from time to time because we do but we will definitely give her more tofu when we can. She wasn't fully pleased but her mind was eased a bit and she refused to eat anymore chicken that night.
Ava Miller, Environmentalist/Philanthropist/Animal Rights Activist.............

Ava's growing up.....

2008-08-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

I've been cleaning out my house. Donating what I can, throwing away what I should. The other day I came across this canvas I had started painting way before Ava, probably around seven years ago. I should have taken a before and after picture but didn't. Basically it had a green back ground, face and black poofy hair. I got a hold of her this weekend and pretty much repainted the whole thing, back ground, skin, hair, the only thing that remained the same was the eyes. I am going to give this to Ava for her birthday.
Im really happy with the way she came out. I tried to style her up to Ava's wild imagination. Colored hair of course and its gotta be her favorite color, purple. Lots of jewelry and little tokens that say Ava at this age, the bangs, the chicken scratch five on the t-shirt, the jewelry and teenager fashion flare. I feel its the happy medium as I have been battling those horrible Bratz dolls. I don't even like the super slutty barbie dolls. What happened to little girls being little girls? Ava and I have an agreement, she can play with baby bratz and angel bratz, they are actually kinda cute. I still say no to the hooker bratz. I mean parents do need some guidelines after all. She seems quite pleased knowing she can have that kind if she wants. Its really a win win situation because we pretty much avoid target now, and if I go, I am saying no to toys. It's so crazy, she always got a toy when we went to target and we went all the time! I am putting a stop to that bad habit, I donated so much money in those target toys.
I'm happy with my painting. She's a fashion girl which will make Ava happy but she doesn't look like she belongs on Sunset. ;)

See! See!

2008-07-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today Breyne and I had a free afternoon. That rarely happens so we didn't know what to do with ourselves. This summer we aren't really running the air. Only at night time because we have very hot babies that will wake up crying dripping in sweat unless the house is 72 degrees. It was pretty hot today and we didn't want to be home. We couldn't figure out where to go. I thought it was too late in the day to drive down to the beach so I suggested we check out the Americana. Everyone seems to have been but us. Then I thought about it, its new, its in glendale and its Sunday. No thanks! However, something along the lines of the mall felt right. Odd, I know, I hate the mall! So I suggested Santa Anita because of the carousel and play area. We got there, the parking lot was packed, I was nervous and kept saying to myself.....what are you doing, you hate the mall.
So we get in the mall. The spongey play area is packed. Ruby seemed to be over whelmed by it. Ava said the big boys were too scary and I saw across the way, they were doing ear piercing at Claires. I've been very anti ear piercing since our experience with Ava. I was torn because I know that piercing is the most effective if you do it when they are baby and its less scary too because they are unaware. I've been leaning more towards doing it lately and Ava told me she wasn't ready. Yesterday out of no where, she said, I am ready to have Ruby's ears pierced. So I told Breyne, lets go get Ruby's ears done. He said, Im not going to watch her cry, I'll take Ava to the carousel. Off we split, carousel and claires. There was a girl getting hers done first. She was a pro, smiling acting like it didn't hurt at all, she was great! I'm a bit nervous, Rubys having fun, we pick out here earrings, Rubies of course and its our turn.......
It seemed like the girl was taking forever, of course it was my nerves and she was just making sure she was doing a good job. She was the assistant manager, she was very kind, professional and said Ruby's age and younger were the best times to do it. Yes, confirmation! After she sanitized everything, she marked Ruby's ears with marker and had me double check them. She was very particular and marked the left ear, three times (hence the larger purple circle you and see around her earring).
The whole time Ruby's is just kinda going with the flow. The she put the first one in, Ruby glared up at her and gave her a look like.....wtf!?!? The second one, she cried for a second then the girl gave her a lollipop (her first one ever) and Ruby accepted it and started dancing. Since then, Ruby has been touching them and saying "see, see". She loves them!! Thats the last thing she said tonight......"night night mama (pointed to her earring) see"
I am so glad it went so well and I am so happy to see earrings on my little baby. They look lovely and she won't have to worry about ear wholes that close up when she's older.
And as far as hating the mall, I am over that! We had so much fun! Malls are fun when you have kids, the carousel is magic!

Rest in peace Randy

2008-07-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

Several months ago, my sister sent me "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch and like many people, it took my breath away. I found him remarkable, selfless, inspiring. Since then, I had kept up on his blog. I was curious about him as a person and was also following him because of his Cancer. My Uncle passed a few months ago from Pancreatic Cancer. It was shocking how fast it took him. While reading his blog, he was very moving, constantly staying positive and very detailed in his information.
Until yesterday, there hadn't been a new post in over a month. Last nights post was written by a friend saying he was on hospice now. That was sad to read. Today, I couldn't stop thinking of him so I went on his blog again. I wasn't expecting to find a post, I just wanted to reread his old ones.
Sadly, today I found a new blog stating he had passed on today. I am very sad. Happy for him that he is no longer in pain but sad for the world that we lost such a remarking being.

Yay for me!!!!!!

2008-07-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

So as many of you know, I have been exercising regularly since January. Ashley and I were walking the rose bowl once a week and then I would walk with someone else or by myself two other times a week. This was fun and I felt better but I didn't see any weight coming off. So Ashley and I decided to try pole dancing. It was fun, lots of fun...........it got Ashley pregnant!! After completing level 1 and I lost my partner due to pregnancy, I kept going. I am now in the middle of level three and we are preparing to go upside down on the pole, yes I am scared!
The classes are getting harder and harder and even though I go two to three times a week. I felt like I could really use the practice at home. This shit is hard!! I bought a pole. The plan was to put it in our playroom, where all the mirrors are. The pole is held up from the pressure that is applied from the floor to the ceiling, our play room ceiling was too soft and Breyne couldn't get it to tighten correctly, so we moved it into our room. Yes, we have a pole in our room!! Pretty Pamela Anderson of us, right? I felt a bit shy and kinda scandalous about it but I reminded myself that Sheila Kelly has one in her room and she's not trashy. Besides, doesn't every one get a little down and dirty in their bedroom anyway?
So today, the pole went up and I gotta a good work out. When I was done, I thought I would do a measurement check. (We threw the scale away, best advice I ever got!) Since May 11, I have over all LOST 13.25" OFF of my body!!!!! I am so HAPPY!!
On a sad note, today I also had to say good bye to my very dear friend, Ashley. She and her family are moving up north to fulfill their dreams. I am going to miss you sister!!! XOXO

Happy 17 Months Ruby Lu!!

2008-07-17T15:19:00.000-07:00

Today Ruby is 17 months. She weighs 20 pounds and is starting to out grow 6 to 12 months t-shirts. Yay Ruby!! Our little one is very talkative. She says "leth go and coooo-kie" all day and every day beginning at 5 a.m. My little one is a sugar addict. I never let Ava have sugar at this age, not even birthday cake. Yeah, Ruby had reeses pieces the other day at Wall-E. Part of me laughs and refers to her has my little ghetto baby and part of me is like....oh no, hope her teeth will be ok. I think they will. We brush them often. Like Ava, Ruby is totally male crazy. Today we went to lunch while Ava was at art camp and a man winked at her. She tried to do it back and spent the rest of our time there doing all she could to get the man to look at her again. She does this daily. Ruby has friends, Max, Nico, Maggie and recently has discovered Mannex (his older brother is Seth, Avas friend). She is a social girl who wants to be out and about all day long. Roo roo, as we call her, is loving and feisty. We don't have to worry about her much and like Breyne says we get to worry about Ava less because Ruby's got her back. She's teeny yet strong.
These photos are of Maggie and Rubys play date. Maggie came to see Ruby a few days after she was born, she brought us cooo-kies. Maggie was exactly three months old. :)
Every night Ruby likes to help me cook dinner, she mixes and stirs.......

The Graduate

2008-06-25T14:05:00.001-07:00

She did it! She spent two and a half years at the Garden School and loved every moment of it. There were times that were harder for me to be there but what kept me going was how much she loved this place. I remember having a fear that a social cirriculum/play based school would do her a disservice in some way. I was very wrong, she started swimming on her own as well as reading!! All in one weekend! Avas made some huge leaps these last few weeks. We are so proud of our little super star!!

End of Year Ballet Review

2008-06-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

Ava had her end of year ballet review. She started ballet at this studio this spring. It was really cute. We got there at 5:30 so from about 5:30 until about 7:00 (her bed time), she sat in another room with her classmates and other dances. She was so thrilled there was teenagers with her, gasp! She got to watch everyone warm up and practice. She loved the hip hop class.
Breyne and I sat patiently and I kept checking on her in disbelief she could survive without me. I can't believe what a big girl she was and she did her dance so well!!!!!!!
She got a purple ribbon for completing her class. This summer she is doing Fairy Tale Ballet day camp and in the Fall, she is taking more ballet and hip hop, aww yeah!

Pirates and Pippi Longstocking!

2008-06-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

Ava's last birthday, she picked out a birthday theme of Pirates and Pippi Longstocking. I thought this was a rather AWESOME theme!! We decorated the house with pirate stuff and hired/invited Pippi over to entertain. It was again, the hottest day of the summer but luckily this time, we had space for everyone, lots of beer and the air pumping!

Our guest, Meeno brought his camera and took pictures of the party, score! Tonight he gave me the link and said:

"Here's the link. Sometimes it's kind of sweet to come across these images a half year later, every one's grown and there's such a surprise beauty, and an enveloping melancholy for our lost babes...."

http://www.meenophoto.com/ava_bday_4

I'm going to post a small amount of my favorites but if you've got the time, check out the link. It's no wonder he travels the world to photograph it. How did I get so lucky!?! Thanks Man

They're The Motha Flippin

2008-06-02T08:36:00.001-07:00

I had a surreal week last week. It started off Wednesday night when Breyne and I saw Elvis Costello and The Police at the bowl. Yes I was intoxicated but I felt like I was dreaming and not in reality. Then late Friday afternoon, Breyne and I left our girls with their grandparents so we could have our first trip alone, it had been years. We went safari tent camping and had an incredible time together. It was bitter sweet for me. As much as I wanted to be alone with Breyne, I would start to feel really upset and panicked for our girls. It was a really nice time. I do wish I had a better hold on the seperation though. Then Sunday morning we came home to them, had a fantastic day and at bedtime, we went to see Flight of The Conchords. I know, a lot, we planned these two concerts months ago, didn't realize they were in the same week, then planned this trip and felt a bit overwhelmed it was all in one week but we swung it! There was no way we were going to miss either of these shows.
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, I hope you all know these adorable New Zealanders. I felt like I was at a man candy store last night.....funny, well hilarious, scruffy, humble, sweet, funny, ass shaking, synthesizing, ADORABLE Jemain and Bret. I love these men!! Jemain can't shake his ass enough! I speak his Foux Da Fa Fa and he sends me over the edge like a love struck teenager. I love you Jemain! And I love you too Breyne. :)

Happy 15 Months Ruby!

2008-05-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

Ruby turned 15 months on the 17th. She really amazes us. She loves to make us laugh, especially at dinner time. She loves affection and she loves her babies! The other day, she was trying emulate me. She had Ava's bug box on her shoulder like a purse, my hat on, a baby in her arms and she kept saying "Less go". It was so sweet, she would take three steps, fall, get back up, readjust and keep going. She also likes to do exactly what Ava does, she puts her shoes on, she fights for her sippy cup, she screams if she sees her and she is talking a lot!
Ruby also loves to hang out at Avas preschool and dance around with her. She loves the Little Green Frog song.
Life is a whole lot of fun in our house. Breyne and are always blown away!!!

Whats next on my agenda......

2008-05-17T20:59:00.001-07:00

I want to design textiles. Anyone know where I can take classes thats not FIDM? LATT mabye? I think I am going to sign up for fall.

Sneak Peak

2008-05-15T23:38:00.001-07:00

All right......Its not entirely done but I am ready to show you what I have been up to. Many of you know I create desgins, sell them and don't even take the time to photograph them. Those days are over, I am going professional! I'll be sending out an official email soon inviting everyone to see my website and etsy stores but for now, you got the 411. Check out...

www.persimmonjewelry.etsy.com

and

www.ladygracey.etsy.com

Let me know what you think and please forward my links to all your friends!!

xoxo

When Crafting Goes Wrong........

2008-05-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

I've been on Etsy waaaayyy too much lately. I've been working on my stores, looking at all the endlessly beautiful things. Tonight, I was thinking wow Etsy has changed so much from when I first started here. I was remembering how simple it was and now its an empire! I was also thinking......nothing on here is ugly either, that was until I found Avantegarb's Store. Man the first thing I saw was this horrific Raggedy Ann dress. Seriously no grown woman should wear this fabric ever, even if its halloween. Then she kept popping up until I had a change of heart. This woman rocks! Look at her crazy expressions, glasses, safari back yard. She has crazy titles like "Wont you take me to the funky town" and "Coo Coo For Coco Puffs" as she jumping out from her Yucca Plant tree likes she's Steve Irwin. I ended up putting her store in my favorites. She's a terrible designer, but funny as hell!!!

Family

2008-05-06T23:11:00.000-07:00

I got to see a lot of my brother this past weekend. He called me on Monday and said I'm coming home for the weekend and I said great I'll block everything out and that's exactly what we did. We stayed at my parents and come Sunday night, we had to say "see you later again".On the way home, I felt sad to visit that good bye again. I love my brother. I wish we had joining back yards.
Today my girls were in their jammies on the bean bag, Ava on the bottom with her arms around Ruby and Ruby with her head on Ava's chest. It was so beautiful to see. Siblings are the greatest gift parents can give their children.

Killing Me Softly

2008-05-01T00:41:00.000-07:00

A learned to solder two years ago. One of the teachers assistants was this grumpy Japanese lady, Hiro. She was nice but 90% of the time, she wanted no one to speak to her. She really only "volunteered" to have access to the amazing studio at PCC. I always kept my distance from her. Hiro, she would make the most adorble fused glass jewelry. Everything she made was food. She made these fried eggs that won me over, close tie with the sprinkle animal cookies but the eggs, priceless! That christmas, I gave fried eggs to every friend that I thought could really appreciate it, one and to myself. I love the shit out of my fried egg. I wear it on my favorite jacket. I always get stopped for a compliment or a small chuckle. My love of the "false" fried egg grew with time. I have since purchased Ruby a red tee with a silk screened fried egg. I've bought my own fried egg charms (really good ones). I've made a little fried egg pillow for the girls to cuddle. I also bought vintage pan fried eggs and now I have found this......
This man is a genius! 14kt gold, etching in the back, a fried egg and BACON?!? Come on man.........YOU ROCK!

Big day for Ruby!!

2008-04-27T22:49:00.000-07:00

Ruby did it!! She's walking!! I've been so worried the last few days that I would miss her first steps. I would even visualize myself never leaving her side. Not even to pee just to see them. Today we were at my parents. I rolled out for a much needed pedicure and when I walked in the door, Ruby stood up and walked over to me!!!! I was certain she walked while I was out, like Ava did when we were at Breyne's parents but she didn't AND her first steps were over to me!! I'm high, photos will soon follow.

Our New Neighbor

2008-04-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

We got a new neighbor a month or so ago. This is his car. This person appears to be an artist. They purchased, moved in and began painting the inside walls bright colors. Their car just makes me happy. I got a gorgeous LV bag when I turned 25 from my parents. It was the same one the celebrities lugged around that year. I rarely ever use it. I feel silly owning such a pricey bag. I love that this car is an old hooptie with a designer paint job. I'm liking the new neighbors!

People making as a community, amongst strangers......

2008-04-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

I had a bad day. There's too much I would love to say but will not. I was in a horrible mood today for several reasons. Then I came across this speech from Randy Pausch. Google him.........its too easy to let the small upset us. I'm going to try harder.

Meet Lulu......

2008-04-13T22:01:00.001-07:00

These chicks rock! Their play dates consist of taking turns on the mic and drums and they play everything. I think they are going to grow up to be rock stars!

El Capitan Canyon

2008-04-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

We went camping and it was fun!!! We stayed in gorgeous safari tents with gauzy lamps (yes, theres electricity) and goose down comforters, thats right! .You can cross the creek to the beach, hike to see the lamas, eat at the cafe, play at the play structure with your kids, go in the hot tub, swim and/or get a massage!!!! I love this place!! There's a fire pit and a picnic table so you can do the campfire thing. It's perfect for a person who loves nature but doesn't enjoy sleeping on the ground, me. Breyne loves camping and I love the idea of it, the hikes, the air, the smells, the stars but I don't really like the tent thing or the lack of any light on the way to the bathroom and in the bathroom at night. That kinda scares the crap out of me. This place is perfect for my family. I keep dreaming about when we can go back.
Did I mention that the stars were every where and it looked as if we could reach out and touch them? It was a sparkling beautiful sky.

My Chicks

2008-04-05T22:26:00.000-07:00

Dressed up and undressed. We had lots of fun that day!! And lots of chocolate too!

Busy Weekend!

2008-03-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

We had such a busy weekend! I know weekends are for resting but resting we did not! Yesterday, Ruby got her first class, baby and me swim lessons. Oh it was so fun! I took this class with Ava and was very social. I was so lonely I really tried to make friends. This time it was so different. There were so many cute babies and nice parents but this time, I had no interest in them, just Ruby! Ruby and I rarely get time alone in the normal waking hours. She and I had so much fun together. She did so well and I was gushing with happiness from having her all to myself. I felt like the class was on one end and Ruby and I were dancing along on the other end. This time, I just did more of our own thing. I find actual lessons at this age silly. I think its more about the experience and exposure then actually thinking they are going to learn to swim.
Then, we came home. I put her down for her nap, rushed into the shower and met Ava (she was at her music class) at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion for Swan Lake. That was fun and beautiful. Ava was so into it. She kept telling me that one day she is going to dance like that because she will practice a lot. She was so calm and sat their wide eyed at the beautiful dancing and costumes. The piece was so long, we did leave early. I for one didn't need her to watch the double suicide and the other is, around the middle of the second act she was getting squirmy and bored. I kept asking her if she wanted to leave and she did not but when she started belting out Creep from Radiohead, I knew we had to go. The ballet was beautiful but there were some ugly viewers. We were stuck near two crazy ladies that paid their money to look around and shush people instead of watch ballet. That, I could deal with out!
Next, I raced home put on my yoga pants and went pole dancing! That was a super fun, hard workout! We learned two pole tricks, how to crawl, walk and move around in ultra sexy ways and a routine. I will be posting this up very soon, yeah right! :) I really liked this workout!
Now today, Sunday, I am sore!! I think I am going to sign up. I really liked it and it was fun! So we raced to the grandparents to get the girls, then off to a birthday party at the park that was amazing! petting zoo, magic show, balloon artist, huge pizzas and cupcakes at a gorgeous park. cheers to carmen and jj!!
Then we came home tried to clean up and do yard work.......then off to the garden school GM. Jesus this was a busy weekend and I know we are going to pay for it during the week but it was fun!! I got alone time with Ruby, then Ava, then myself! Amen!!! I've been sad, grumpy, stressed, and frustrated for too long now and now I feel really good. Oh and we did our taxes and got a nice return, yay!!!!!!! Happy Monday!

I love this ad

2008-03-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

This picture cracks me up. I never buy genetically altered fruit because the whole idea creeps me out. Sometimes, I'l see it at my parents or on the news (japan made square watermelons to fit easier in their fridge). I remember my dad had little Ava crazy for peaches that were shaped like saturn. Really.......whats the point in that? I almost got sucked up into one the other day. I was at vons and they had quarter half watermelons for sale but they were about the size of a large grapefruit. I could already see Ava sitting on our front step, looking around with her watermelon and spoon. As I went to pick one up, I thought.......wait! That was made just to make things easier for me. I'm all for making things easier but not at the risk of my daughter. I thought......oh but that would be so easy then my next thought was.......just take the time and cut a large one small like that. duh........

Kindergarten Madness!!!!

2008-03-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'm so unsettled and crazy over as to what school Ava is going to attend this Fall. We don't feel our local school is the best choice for Ava. We don't like the looks of it, the uniforms or the lack of diversity. The scores are pretty good, we haven't met the teachers or the principal but we don't like it. So we have applied for charter schools like every other involved parent in LA has done. We've been wait listed on two. Los Feliz, we got the terrible number of 199. :(..... and Avison, we got 81. Both bad but we are only heart broken over Los Feliz. Avison was a plan C. Better than our local but not A or B. Los Feliz would have been A. But we were REJECTED!!!
The way you get into these schools is, you preview them, you fill out an application and on a selected day they pull names for a random lottery. Ava's first choice is Odyssey. Why because all her friends from her preschool go there. She will have friends up until the second grade. The school is in Altadena, where Breyne works, thats a plus, Ava wants to go there, another plus a few people we really like go there, another plus. The teachers and Director seem great. The minuses, the director is leaving. They are hiring a new one, that could be good or bad. The campus itself isn't to eye pleasing but they are working on it and we wouldn't have minded breaking out and meeting new families at a new school. This grade school business has me a wreck!! I wish we could afford the French school or Waverly but we can't! It feels so weird that Ava won't be with me every day and the state will require my own child to be away from me. Weird, the law will require her to be away from me five days a week! I'm sure I will get used to it but I don't fancy being told what to do. Damn the man!!
I was supposed to hear from Odyssey today but there computers went down. I hate that I have to wait one more day!! I'll hear from the language school in late May and the same for Daliah Heights and Eagle Rock. Damn! I hate this feeling of desperation!!
I'm a failure at kindergarten patients!

Thanks Man

2008-03-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs a friend that can say......shut the fuck up, your fine and turn that shit off! Thanks Jen for sugar coating your words. :) I feel so much better! xoxo

Uncle Seb

2008-03-17T21:37:00.001-07:00

Our Uncle Eusebio passed away last week. He lost his battle to pancreatic cancer. He gave it a good fight and did a few rounds of chemo and had surgery. He refused to give up and refused to accept this would be the end for him. Our Uncle was our Dad's older brother. He was in great health up until last summer. He was a sweet kind man. Growing up, we saw him and our Aunt every Sunday at mass. We would see our older cousins running track on our walk home from grade school. They lived a few miles from us. My Dad's been sick a long time and my Uncle helped us take care of him. I remember when I first had Ava, we would go and sit with my Dad and my uncle would show up to take my Dad to a movie. This last December when my Dad had his stroke, I called my Uncle to tell him. He told me he was having chemo so I tried to get off the phone, he told me wait I need to know everything and as I told him, he weeped. It was hard to hear my uncle so upset. It broke my heart to think of him sitting through chemo crying over my dad and my dad fighting for his life down the hall. My Dad's always been the sick one and I don't think any of us expected my Uncle to pass first. After chemo, he would still come over and sit in the living room with my dad. Unfortunately, both he and my dad were very sick this past hospital stay for my dad. My Uncle wasn't able to leave his home but he called my Dad every day. This time, my Dad got to go to his home and visit him. From what I was told, they had a beautiful talk about life, death and spirituality. My Uncle died hours after he and my dad said good bye. Sadly, my dad was hospitalized again and he had to miss his brothers funeral. The services were nice but now the reality is here we are all trying to deal with. How do we go on? My Uncles wife and youngest granddaughter, are really suffering. My Dad is really torn up and I can't imagine this world without our uncle. He was a real blessing. My friend sent me this and it helps and my hope is that death is not the end.

"Little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone;
for part of us went with you the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again."

I love this picture of my uncle waving goodbye, or maybe hello?
This is my Dad's entire family. He's the little serious guy in the middle. His Mom Maria gave birth to all these boys. It said they were all over 12 pounds. She had them all at home. She died when my dad was four. The other picture is their Dad, my Uncle and again the little guy is my dad. He's sooooo cute! I see a lot of Ruby in him. Seeing these pictures of my Dad and his family means a lot to me. My Dad has shared very little of his childhood. My Dad and his brothers are very simple people with little words but have the kindest biggest hearts!

Day One of Spring Break

2008-03-17T21:25:00.001-07:00

We went to tea house and got pedicures after. It was fun. Ava's got a good life.

Look alike meter. What do you think??

2008-03-14T21:40:00.001-07:00

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family search - Ancestors

Ruby

2008-03-14T21:39:00.001-07:00

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family history - Family tree research

Black on the inside.

2008-03-11T13:22:00.000-07:00

Queen Marabelle Mariposa Ava Maria Miller

2008-03-11T09:17:00.001-07:00

Ava doesn't really like her name, so she changed it. Here's the new one, I hope you like it!

Happy Four and A Half Ava!

2008-03-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

Ava turned four and half on March 6th. She had a great day! Her Friends at school even sang a surprise half birthday song to her. I mentioned to her teacher that morning that Ava was so excited because it was her half birthday. So her teacher had them sing to her. Isn't that sweet! She had a fun day at school, then we went to Shanes Inspiration, then off to gymnastics, then home! We made her favorite things for dinner. Salmon, cous cous, salad with croutons followed by a very moist strawberry cake with four and half candles on it.

Ava is a nice person. She's very focused and determined, she very imaginative and talkative. Ava's highly sensitive. She's fun and really appreciates music. Ava is also a very nice older sister and friend.
Here is an example of Ava, she was telling me today about who her friends are going to marry and was speaking of how she's going to marry isaac and if not isaac it will be indigo but her hopes are on isaac. she said all that word for word then says......."so hows your marriage going?". lol this girl cracks me up! Last week, her daddy taught her the word homie so she kept referring to her "best homie carmela" or i can't wait to see" my homie lulu". haha!
Ava has a sweet life, I hope it keeps getting better!!!

I forgot to add my favorite photo

2008-03-04T22:08:00.000-08:00

So we were leaving the park when Cruella came up to us saying "Oh Alice" (Ava dressed like Alice) She sounded very posh pronouncing her "a's" like "ah's" and pulling her words slowly like she had a few cocktails. She said "Where do you have that white rabbit, I need a new hand bag" lol! She was by far my most favorite character I'd seen at disneyland. Usually they just nod their heads or look at you blankly and smile. Ava was very amused because she's been watching this movie with her grandma marie. Cruella then said "do you have any puppies at home? I'm needing a new coat." Ava said no I only have old dogs and she said......"well I like young fur so buzz off." we were all cracking up. Then she told Ava to open your dress and looked wicked like me for the pick-cha. We loved Cruella!

Wishing Eddie The Best...

2008-03-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Ava and I went to Disneyland with Eddie. Originally we were going to take Ruby but I realized that would be really hard on her and we could have more quality time with the Uncle otherwise. We had a great time, we took Ava on rides, ate junk food and in the end, my brother bought both my girls presents to remember this day. Ava got an Alice In Wonderland snow globe and Ruby got a plush baby dumbo. It was really the cutest gifts ever. I think I am going to hug that Dumbo tight when I am missing my brother.
As you can read, parting with him isn't easy for me and I don't have the courage to write a full blog about it so I am keeping it short. My brother is awesome and he's going to be so missed but he deserves what he is going to get in Texas. If it wasn't so hard for me to say good bye, I would tell him, Im going to miss every once of you and its going to be hard to recover but I know that your life is going to grow and your dreams are going to come true. I love you and be safe. In real life I will probably smile and fight me tears and say see you soon. Maybe I will tell him about my blog.

Barbie Vs. Brats

2008-03-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

Ava's really into playing hair salon these days. She blew me away the other day, I was running around cleaning doing my usual play for a minute, put stuff away, grab a snack, talk to Ava business. I walked out of what we call our "cabin" and walked back in and Ava put piggy tales in her hair! it was so cute! Two low pigtails. Shes always asking for rubber bands and clips and does the cutest stuff with her hair. I had no idea I would be passing up the hair brush so young in her life.
So let me back track. A while back a lot of the older girls that graduated from Ava's preschool were in that Bratz movie. Yes, the hippie granola preschool that's anti media, yet most of their parents make their living in media. Ahem.....so these girls that Ava idolizes were telling her that they were in this movie. So Ava wanted to see it. I had to tell her no and let her know that we don't play with Bratz dolls either. Ava being Ava did not like hearing there was a toy that she couldn't play with and I can't blame her. I understand that. So I had to get creative and explain to her what the word Brat means and how these dolls are made to look like stripper whores without having to tell her those words exactly.
Ok, so we were at Target and Im such a sucker and I always want to buy her things and I remember how they have those doll heads to style their hair. So we ran over to the doll area and the barbie head happen to be the Mariposa edition. I was so excited because Ava has the book and its in spanish (exciting for a mexican girl to see a barbie doing some spanish) and I said here and Ava said "Ugh (with that questioning Ava face) do you really want me playing with a doll that looks like this? So for a moment, she was the adult and I was the little girl. I said what, you don't want this and she grabbed it and said I do! So I looked around didn't see any other head options other than the bratz version thats an entire torso and if you could imagine, way worse, I noticed, she does look like a stripper whore too! But at this point, I wasn't going to take it away from her.
So this played over and over in my head. Ava needing to remind me I was the one who said she couldn't play with dolls that looked like grown women. It bothered me so much I took a trip to walk down stripper bratz aisle and do see that barbie isn't nearly as trashy but she's still pretty inappropriate for a four year old to be playing with. Some are worse than others but just because she's blonde and white........she can still whore it up! Have you seen the Top Model barbies? Slutty for sure but they do look kind of fun to play with if you are a grown perverted man! :)

And back down

2008-02-27T21:36:00.000-08:00

ugh.....I hate this roller coaster. my dad's doing poor again therefore, I'm feeling bad again and upset that I got hopeful. Ava was really stressed by my dad's health so I kept telling her how great Papa was like a freaking cheerleader. My hopes were up so I got her hopes up and now I feel really guilty about that too. I'm tired of feeling this way. My poor Dad.

Happy Birthday Ruby Lu

2008-02-25T21:52:00.000-08:00

Ruby turned one on February 17th. We can't believe what a quick beautiful year it was. Ruby entered our world a year ago and now we cant remember life without her. Ruby has the most playful personality. Since birth Ruby has made her needs very clear. She also has always saved her biggest smiles and coo's for Ava. Ruby is adventurous, loving, and fun. She loves people, she will accept love from anyone! She also has a love for holding something in both hands. Often when we put her to sleep, we have to pry a little something out of her hands. Usually its some small choking hazard she never should have had in the first place. Ruby loves hanging out with her sister and her sisters friends. She can't wait to do what everyone else is doing. She crawl walks and has been doing that for months. She takes one step with her foot flat on the floor and drags the other knee forward like a crawl. She loooooves shoes and associates them with walking. For a while, she was sleeping with shoes on. If you take your shoes off around her, she will put them on for sure! She often wears Ava's and has put mommy's and daddy's on too. She loves dancing and food. Everything her sister does, she wants to do it too. This little girl is amazing. She's more than a Ruby! This little being is my heart melted all over the world. Thank you for letting me be your mommy! Happy Birthday love!!!

It's a good day

2008-02-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Ruby's birthday. I'm going to blog about that when I get a picture from it. (I momentarily lost my camera.) Her Party went fantastic. We kept is very simple and small. As small as my family can be anyway. ;) I was pretty certain I was going to cancel her party all week long. I figured it was the one year I could really get away with doing nothing. I wanted to do nothing because of my dad's health and because of his health, I have been very depressed.
My Dad's health fell very poor. I really thought he had no more miracles left. We all did. About a week and a half ago, I got a call from my mom saying my dad was leaving their home in an ambulance. He was hemorrhaging. He threw up blood and coughed up blood the next day. Over the next week, he lost even more blood. He had to have several transfusions. After a few days, his mind went. He was in and out of sleep but had no idea where he was. He saw people in the room. A man named Chad and a small boy. There was no one in the room. My Dad wanted to leave for several reasons. He thought he was well and he was begging us to get him out of bed. He felt stuck and wanted to move. He couldn't move and that made him really upset. After a while he had to be restrained. On Thursday his blood pressure dropped to 56/31. The whole time he was awake. We, my mother, sister and I were all in a silent panic. I asked him how he felt, wondering if this was it and he said "I feel fine". I thought for sure this was the end.
I saw my Dad in a condition, no one should ever have to see anyone in. After a spell of hallucinations, he asked me to take care of my mom for him. He cried and said he didn't want her alone. I promised him I would. This was all very hard for me. At one point I sat in my feelings and realized, this was the most painful feelings I have ever experienced. No break up or loss has ever compared. My heart felt a hundred pounds heavy.
Last Friday, my Dad's health took a turn. The bleeding stopped (they still, after many test, have no idea why that happened), his mental state was healthy and his vitals were ok again. Late that night he was transfered to a skilled nursing center for rehabilitation. I was worried but happy too.
After some much needed encouragement from a friend and my family, I was reminded how necessary it is to celebrate birthdays, especially the first one. So we had a small party and friends, my dad is doing amazing! I can't believe this miracle! I was at the hospital all day every day and barely saw my girls. I am not very hopeful when it comes to my Dad being sick. I guess I try to stay true, he has a lot of health problems and I guess I prepare myself for the worst. In fact, when his health took a turn for the better, I still stayed on the negative side just in case. Well, its been three days and let me tell you, I am high as kite!
My baby's One, my Dad's alive and I get to hear him on the other end of the phone saying "Hi baby!" when I call him.
I am the happiest woman/mom/daughter today. YAY!!!!!!!

More peeps that are the shit...... :)

2008-02-16T23:51:00.000-08:00

Jennifer, Diane and Christy.......fo' shizzle! xoxox

4:08

2008-02-16T22:13:00.000-08:00

Very early tomorrow morning, my baby Ruby is turning One. I can't believe it. It's been a whole year since that scary Friday. It's been a fantastic year. My baby is turning one....... :( I'm a little sad about that.

i love photo booth

2008-02-13T22:39:00.000-08:00

I got a new laptop and it has a program called photo booth. This enhancement is called Comic. Here's me as a Super Hero Jewelry Designer. ;) Im such a dork and clearly wasnt sober when I took these! I was supposed to be working!

Yummies vs Sprinkles

2008-02-12T20:19:00.001-08:00

My sister and my family went out to lunch with our friend Ana on Saturday. When we were leaving for the hospital Ana said something like "oh I forgot my cupcake itinerary". I hear the word cupcake, my head spins and I say your cupcake what?!? She tells me that her husband has to work, and that she is going to spend her saturday checking out all the cupcakerys in southern california. My eyes lit up, I thought......what the hell....I want to do that. Hot damn! Is this what people with no kids do on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon?!? So of course I had to lay in my curiosity. I told her to report back to me on the parking situation, the staff (look and friendliness), are they kid friendly and of course, how did the cupcake taste!?!
Ana has all ready been to Dots and Auntie Em's. She said Le Cupcake was closed. She spent six hours on her journey and I must say she is an A+ reporter. She told me she was going to bring us cupcakes that night. I thought it was a nice gesture but didn't really think it would happen.
Saturday night, around ten. After we had all drowned our sorrows in Barro's Pizza and almond m&m's. Ana shows up, with all these cupcakes! She also brought me menus, she took pictures and bought me an individual cupcake holder. I know right.....where the hell did this Angel come from??
Our weekend was extremely awful and because of Ana, we had cupcakes to cry to. By far......Yummies is way yummier than sprinkles. I have to say there signature button on top of the cupcake is cute but Yummies tastes way better!! But there is a consensus, theirs no cupcake better than Auntie Em's red velvet.
Ok seriously there is more. Ana is Lisa's old co-worker/room mate. She and my sister are very close and very good to each other. Let me just say this.....Ana also did a M.A.C. and Philosophy run for us. Ana's the shit! We love you Mama Cakes!

I voted!!!

2008-02-05T10:11:00.000-08:00

Its a big day today. Im so nervous! I went to our new polling place and I wasn't on the list! We had to look it up last night because we never got our papers. That wasn't a sign to us because we have a serious mail problem on our hill. So I get there, Im feeling emotional about the whole thing. Im parking and thinking about how I never thought I would get to vote (i know its early) for a woman president in my life time. I remember being told this as a small child that I wouldn't. I remember how crushed I was because back then at seven I thought......I'd be a pretty good president. ;) So, I walk inside and my name isn't on the list! I feel myself panic then he said lets check the just moved list. I wasn't on there either. At this point, I was ready to cry. He said that sometimes they don't get our registrations. I thought.....what do you mean, I did it at the post office!?! I told him I was going to drive to my old polling place to get my vote in. I mean what if Hillary lost because of my one vote? I couldn't deal with that. Luckily he was able to give me a ballot and I didn't cry. :)
I cross my fingers and heart for a Democrat. Please let is be Hilary and if not Obama. Please!!

Old friends....are like home.

2008-02-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

The Standard

2008-02-03T23:06:00.000-08:00

It was my birthday on the 24th. Breyne knew I really wanted to celebrate this year because last year I was 37 weeks pregnant and all I wanted then was to not go into labor. I didn't want to celebrate last year, I was in baby mode. I had a fantastic birthday this year!! On the 24th, I kept Ava out of school. My girls and I spent the day with my parents. That Saturday, Breyne got us a room at the Standard and to my surprise, we had friends that met us at the bar in the pouring rain!! Thanks guys! I couldn't believe it! I had a wonderful, wonderful time!
I wore a dress, perfume, jewelry, lots of make up and crazy heels! My four year old got me heels for my birthday. I haven't wore heels this high since before kids. It was fantastic! I had no one tugging at my clothes or jewelry. My clothes didn't have milk or food on them. I got to be an adult and only worry about me for a night. I had the best time. Thank you Breyne!!! xoxoxo!

2008-02-03T22:57:00.001-08:00

2008-02-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

We drank a lot and had a lot of fun.

2008-02-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

Katie Holmes wishes she had this much style.

2008-01-29T21:59:00.000-08:00

My girls have natural style and they look fully alert. ;) These glasses are a smaller version of Mommy's bought at Wee Soles on Sunset. Ava loves them!

Dinner Time

2008-01-29T19:42:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite time of the day. Over the last few months I have actually been able to cook meals again for my family. I am no longer heating up Trader Joe's prepared food like we did for months once Ruby came. I'm actually cooking!!! Ava's favorite dish is salmon. I love hearing her say, "please can we have salmon". This is the one time of day(during the week) we can all sit down and eat together. The other night, I was looking at my girls and thought wow, what gorgeous company I have. Ava's wearing a bow from earlier in the day that just so happens to match her night gown and Ruby......she's always making a silly face. This girls on personality!!

Let me explain........

2008-01-22T14:52:00.002-08:00

So a few days ago, I posted the lyrics to Bright Eyes, "Make A Plan to Love Me". I'm sure most of you read that and wondered what the hell that was all about. Well friends, that was a mixture of emotions that was brought on by the death of Brad Renfro. I was really upset the day he died. I felt sorry for that sweet little boy we all fell in love with in the 90's. I was very taken by his death, I felt like a lost a friend. I didn't want to post those feelings because it seemed so off the wall. It seemed like Gracie's gone crazy, she thinks Brad Renfro was her friend and she buys doll magazines! ;)
Make a Plan to Love Me, that song kills me. Every time I hear it, I feel it deep inside of me and sometimes I want to cry as I sing it. When I am in this place, I find myself in the background thinking.....why am I so sad? I have a great husband and two great daughters but it pulls me back into a time where it was hard for me to accept love. It reminded me of a time where I felt like I had nothing going for myself and I was invisible. It was a very sad time for me. It reminds me of times when I gave out love and wasn't given love in return. That song pulls to a place far behind me.
I wondered if Brad was really messed up, if he felt terribly lonely or did he just really love being high? I'm sure it was a mixture of all those things. After that night, I was ok and didn't feel so hurt by his death. Yes its very sad but hello....he wasn't a friend I lost. (I was a bit crazy about it) And now Heath Ledger has passed. This is yet another tragedy. He was so talented and young and a father. Sometimes it seems like money is the key to everything and you look at these poor souls that have left so early and feel really thankful for the life you have. I'm sorry they died to young. Maybe in some way their passing will make a positive difference to our world. I hope so and my they have peace.

This is Blythe

2008-01-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

Move Over Barbie

2008-01-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

So you all know, I love dolls! And having girls has really pushed me back into that world. When I was younger, I wasn't that into Barbie. She lacked a certain luster for me. I found her a bit boring. I did however like a few of the barbie knock offs that had scented hair and my did Iooooove barbies shoes and hat boxes!! A few years ago before kids, I discovered this doll called Blythe (doll in paris picture) Im sure you've all seen her post card book or fashion books. They were sold at indie book stores, art stores and urban outfitters. I searched and tried to get one but they were selling for thousands of dollars. During my search I found a Blythe ispired doll called Pullip (the kimono dolls) I also discovered the huge following these dolls have. They have several clothing designers and loads of websites and they really increase in value. I ordered a few, a few years ago and they have tripled in value. The other day I bought a magazine called Haute Doll (creepy I know but their was a Pullip on the cover) and I flipped through it and found this crazy gorgeous doll called Zombuki (the face painted pullips) They are the body of the Pullip and an artist made some of them zombies (the glazed over eyes that i could personally do without) and painted their hair and faces wild colors. I looooove these dolls! I searched every where for them and couldn't find them anywhere but of course on Etsy. Of course crafters and artist would find ways to bring these gorgeous dolls to the Etsy empire. However, the dolls cannot be purchase yet. They are only auctioned off at the moment!! Auctioned! They must go for so much money! Etsy however, has stickers and pictures of them. I went to the designers website www.zombuki.com and sent her an email. Lucky me, I'm on the list to own one when they are released to us simple folk. Yay!!!! By the way Blythe fans, by popular demand, they have made more Blythe dolls to be released in 2008!! Oh and FYI that doll magazine, aside from the pullip/zombuki section, it was just as freak show creepy as you would imagine.

Happy Anniversary!!

2008-01-17T20:04:00.000-08:00

Today is one year ago that we moved into our house! It was a really fast, really good year. Today Ruby turned 11 months. I can't believe she'll be a year in thirty days... :(

Music is My Hot Hot Ava!

2008-01-17T19:04:00.000-08:00

So Ava's a rock star, she's a really cool 4 year old. She asks me to down load her music and told our babysitter "don't worry my mommy has an ipod". She loves CSS and I've tried to find a censored version but they just don't have one. Her favorite song (as she calls it) is, "Music is my boyfriend". She loves music and loves boys so that title, makes her grin every time. She likes White Stripes because of Meg, they are "both girl drummers". Her favorite song from Cornelius is Drop because of the water. She also loves Damien Rice. She often asks, mommy can we play the "I don't know song" She is seriously into music. She loves to clap her hands to Amy Winehouse or will tell her Daddy...can we play some loud punk rock. The girl is super cool!
Routinely, Ava picks up an instrument and sings a song to us. Today this is how it went....

Daisy Rock guitar in hand...

"Oops! My penis is broken! Now I look like a girl!"

She was strumming her guitar smelly cat style!

*Parenthood, its so much fun!

Bright Eyes

2008-01-16T19:03:00.000-08:00

"Make A Plan To Love Me"

I heard you're scheming new pyramids
Another big idea to get you rich
Make a plan to love me sometime soon

You said you had your foot in the door
You buy and you sell, you buy some more
Make a plan to love me sometime soon

Life is too short
Death doesn't ask
It don't owe you that

Some things you lose
You don't get back
So just know what you have

And make a plan to love me sometime soon

First you want to ride off into the Sun
Then you want to shoot straight to the Moon
Make a plan to love me sometime soon

When you are young the world is a Ferris Wheel
I know we will grow old it is lovely, still
Make a plan to love me sometime soon

Life is too short
To be a fool
I don't owe you that

Do what you feel
Whatever is cool
But I just have to ask

Will you make a plan to love me?
Will you make a plan to love me?
Will you make a plan to love me sometime soon?

hello cookie face

2008-01-14T20:25:00.000-08:00

Ruby.......she is the most mellow and the most playful child. About a week ago, she decided that she is done with vile baby food. She wants to eat our food. When ever I eat, she crawls all over me until she gets some. Today we sat on Diane's kitchen floor (Diane was cooking dinner) and I fed her a clementine. I couldn't peel the orange fast enough. She was on me and grunting! Ruby is the most happy feeding herself. She grunts and kicks her feet while she eats. She looks around the room and gives out big grins. She loves being just like us. I feel her, I remember it sucked being the little one, most of the time. Here is Ruby with a cracker up her nose and on her eyelashes!!!

Score!

2008-01-09T22:13:00.000-08:00

I've been mopping around over these rose gold shoes and purse that I can't have because I am trying to be more disciplined. I've tried them on, walked by them, then back again. I've looked at them on the website, over and over again. I've even re read my resolution and convinced myself no where on there did I state I will not shop in 2008 but, further down I read "I will be harder on myself in the places I am weak" and because of that statement, I don't spend. My friend told me to stay away from my computer, she's right but thats impossible. So today, I was cleaning up and found three target gift cards stashed in a drawer!! SCORE!! I forgot I had these, my mom gave me one for christmas, I bought one in the summer and lost it and had to buy another gift, then found it. And I had another one my mom randomly gave me in September. I know you are all wondering......why haven't you spent them?? Because I am a retard and everytime I go to target on a whim I never have them with me. Well today ladies, its paid off! I'm getting that purse and shoes..........yay!!! I'm so happy I feel like I should give a speech!!

Migrain!!

2008-01-08T11:08:00.000-08:00

I've got a meeting today with Candace about my up coming projects and I have a migrain! What kind of timing is this? I had a great night with Breyne last night and woke in the middle of the night with this headache. Nothing seems to be helping me. I almost canceled but I just can't. I have got to finish up this stuff to meet my goals this year. I hope great things come out of this......cross your fingers for me!

Size 8 please

2008-01-07T19:10:00.000-08:00

Not spending money on needless beautiful things really sucks. I opened an account on share builder today. That was kinda exciting but dammit I want that rose gold purse and shoes at Target! Now accepting donations.....

Christmas Morning

2008-01-06T21:24:00.000-08:00

Im floored by Ava's patients. We use to wake up in the middle of the night when I was a kid. Ava slept in, walked into our room and said "I can't wait to open my presents" That was around 8 am. She is usually awake with Ruby around 6. I was really surprised and enjoyed Ruby opening her own presents. Ava got bored of unwrapping after a while so Ruby opened up her last few gifts. Ava said her favorite gift is the doll that wets herself and Ruby's is the terry cloth gingerbread house with all the ginger people inside. Its really cute, she hooks her tongue and takes them out of the house and puts them back in, over and over again.

The drums.....

2008-01-06T21:14:00.000-08:00

Ava wrote a letter to Santa, all she really wanted was a pink drum set. She rocks them everyday! Ruby got a set of her own and Daddy.....he really loves the drum set too!

Christmas Day

2008-01-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

So Ava got this really cool digital camera. The photo with her and the adorable boy is taken on her camera. That is Andrew, she calls him her "brother". He's our cousins fiance's son. He's in love with Ava, it makes me a bit nervous but he's sweet. The mic Ava is on was given to her by my sister. We all love this mic, its awesome! It has an echo and applause button. We are all rock stars in this house! The turquoise necklace was a gift from Breyne! It's very gorgeous! It's from anthropologie, so it has that magic.

Good Bye Holidays

2008-01-06T20:55:00.000-08:00

We had really great holidays. For a while, Christmas had lost its magic for me. I found it a bit too stressful and jolly. I have to say having a four year old and a baby to celebrate, its excellent!! We had so much fun! We had a holiday tea party with Ava's friends, we looked at Christmas lights at griffith park and of course we visited Santa.
We also celebrated a great birthday with my dad, he turned 64. We had a very quite fun christmas eve. It was just the immediate family and it was nice! Christmas day was fun with the Miller family and the cabin was priceless!
I did feel a sense of relief after we rang in the new year and I got my kiss. It was a wonderous holiday season in our house but I am glad to move on with new year.

DAMN YOU ANTHROPOLOGIE!!!!!!

2008-01-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

im upset! i always want to scream and cry like a two year old after i look at their stuff! i want to scream and kick my feet face down on the floor! I want to burn the catalog and let out a loud ROAR after! damn them! first they made curtains like my table cloth and im gonna get those some how! they will pull my room together nicely. then they made a white owl face enamel pendant about the size of a clementine with gold wispy brows, mother fuckers! then they have all these gorgeous dresses with gigantic bows that sing to my heart and THEN they have all these chunky heals and wedges, red, yellow, deep pine, forties style and im a wreck over it because I can't have them! its like heroine! i made a resolution and my god damn drug dealer is giving me free drugs! damn it!
im still having a screaming tantrum inside! nothing can ease this self obsessed anthropolgie whore!
My credit cards and singing to me like flowers out of Alice in Wonderland............
kids are starving in this word, people are homeless and i am homicidal over anthropologie.....i really am aware. I have a passion and a screwed up priority or two....... ;)

I will.........in 2008

2007-12-31T19:58:00.000-08:00

Continue to lose weight
Get my jewelry in more stores and across the US.
Start and use my face book
Live in the moment
Be a better patient loving mommy and wife
Read more books that are not only about parenting
Give myself the time I need to do these things
Better my soldering skills
Love myself more
Spend more time with family and friends
Let more of the fluff of life go
Travel a place or two
Save more money
Pay off some bills
Invest some money
Be hard on myself in the places where I am weak
And be easier on myself in the places I push to hard
learn more and grow from it
embrace my happiness
get on the floor and play with my kids more and remember to do this while wearing lipstick

I will be a fashionably happy mommy in 2008 because that is me!

Au Revior 2007

2007-12-28T18:55:00.000-08:00

In 2007........
We bought a New Home, its twice the size of our other and we have space for everything!
We nested, painted the house bright colors and planted sod.
I received one of the most beautiful gifts ever, an amazing friend planted our gardens in our new home while we nested with our newborn. I still cry over this.
We welcomed Ruby Lu into our family
Ava started her last year of preschool
Maddie passed, days after turning 13. We love and miss you Mama.
Breyne QUIT smoking.
Ruby began crawling and talking (Mama, Dada, Uh Oh, Dog, Cat, no no no and saat (whats that)).
Ava learned to write every letter of the alphabet.
My Dad had a heart attack and a stroke and survived (Yes he is the "Mexican Robocop" as our friend called him)
I learned that little people can heal the deepest wounds and that age in friendship doesn't matter at all. Two of my favorite friends are only four years old.
I aggressively pursued soldering this year. I picked up a lot of skills and finally saw, I do have a talent.
Breyne and I started off as kids because of this, we had a whole lot of turbulence. We were never able to let each other go. We married when we were ready and naturally had our baby, Ava. Life seemed perfect, we were terrified to grow and now we see that Ruby was so meant to be. Nothing is better than being together, nothing at all.
Thank you 2007! With much love and happiness we wish us all an incredible 2008.
xoxo

Sneak Preview

2007-12-19T10:14:00.000-08:00

So I've been soldering and I'm in the process of setting up a home studio/kick boxing garage at home. Our bedroom has access to our garage, weird but functional. I melt metal while Breyne works out. It works for us and I enjoy the heavy bag too. Here are three pieces from my collection in process. These are entirely hand soldered and hammered by moi. The riveted pendant is an arizona iced tea soda can. I love those cherry blossoms.
I made the bezel cup for this ring. Its pretty simple this ring. I think the magic is in the stone.

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-18T08:31:00.000-08:00

It's the end of the year and amongst all, we are happy. Ruby started crawling a month ago and I can't believe the way this little girl talks! She likes to hold things in each hand. She learned over the weekend if she wants something, she holds her hand out to you. Sometimes she grunts and other times you just get the hand. When you give her something, she dances and squishes her face and nose. She knows how to say thank you in her own way.
Ava is on winter break. So far, I am loving it! We are keeping busy with play dates, visiting Papa and even making cookies! I'm surprised that I have been able to pull off the holidays in this domestic way. It's really not one of my strengths.
We are having a good time together in our immediate family. It's really rough on the outside but up here on Mt. Angelus, things are really, really good!

Happy thoughts keep us going.......

2007-12-18T08:22:00.000-08:00

We took the girls to Disneyland a few weeks ago. It was fun. We lasted eight hours! I coudln't believe it. Breyne and I paid for it the next day. Ruby did fantastic and Ava, she had the time of her life!

My Dad

2007-12-07T01:43:00.000-08:00

It's 1:42 a.m. and my nerves are shot. I got a call early yesterday morning saying that my dad had a stroke. I was very confused as to what to do with my girls that day. I selfishly wanted to take Ava to keep her close to me but realized I should keep her day normal until I knew more. I ended up taking Ava to school. Ruby and I went to join my parents and brother at St. Jude hospital in Fullerton. The doctor confirmed he did indeed have a stroke and that his cardiac enzymes were rising so a heart attack was on the way. Something odd came over me. I had a terrible stomachache and headache but I was unable to cry. I wanted to cry more than anything. I wanted comfort and to feel better but my fear froze my emotions. My Dad did end up having a major heart attack and survived. After several procedures, one including them going up his leg and placing 4 stints, he survived. He also survived in good spirits and was cracking jokes by the end of the day. It was a blessing. He said he was scared but felt so much better.
Ava stayed with Diane. I'm a wreck without her. I know she is so much better off but I want her more than anything right now. My nerves are still a wreck. I've been able to cry but not nearly enough. I want to vomit to ease my pain. I can't stop thinking about all I almost lost and most importantly it reminded me of something, I have said that my dad wasn't "emotional". My dad wasn't emotional because he didn't know how to be. Not because he was a bad person. His Mom died when he was four. He was the youngest of five brothers. His father was an alcoholic. My dad says very little of his childhood because it wasn't pleasant. I know my dad was rarely supported and was abused. My dad always supported us and never abused us. He just didn't really know how to talk to girls and he had three of them. Two girly girls and one tom boy. Yes, he was the closest to the tom boy. I was very sensitive and extremely girly. He loved me but there were a lot of misunderstandings. As a woman, I look back on those times, times when I remember reaching out to him and asking him to know me better and him truly looking confused. He tried so hard and even though he didn't know my favorite colors or the things that were important to me at those times, he did love me, very much. He loved me so much, he put me in sports and coached me. It was an attempt to reach me. He would swing with me and miss but he did try.
My Dad, he reaches Ava..........she decided to call him Papa as a baby. He was touched. He called his dad "Pop" so to be called Papa made him feel proud. My Dad has always been sick since Ava has been here. She has always been empathetic and in tune with him. She has often drawn marks on her arm where his dialysis shunt is and states "Im like papa". My dad falls a lot. Lately when Ava falls or stumbles she says "Im acting like papa". Ava has a wonderland here at my parents. She spreads all her toys about but when she hears her papa coming, she runs and clears the way so he doesn't trip. My dad can't see well and he has very low energy. Ava likes to nap with him and hold his hand to help him get from one area to the next. Tonight, I am lost with out her. I know that I have done with right thing for her. She is having a blast and is with the best, I just need her so much right now. I want to hold her and squeeze her.
My dad didn't have an easy time emotionally connecting with me and my sister but he connected with Ava's soul long before she arrived.
I woke up an hour ago, finally crying and needing to vomit. I thought typing out my feelings would help and it has. I feel so much better......

Breyne

2007-12-05T12:18:00.000-08:00

If you ask Breyne what its like to have kids, he will tell you "its the best thing that could ever happen to a person". I've heard him say this over and over again. I agree its fantasic but I will always say, I am freakin tired! I know its different from man to woman but I am always blown away when I look at him as a father. He is so fun, patient and loving!! I was always taught to believe that men just weren't like this. I never understood the term daddy's girl because everything, everything revolved around my mother. No disrespect to my dad, like I've said he is a nice man, he's just not emotionally present. I feel incredibly blessed that my girls get to have Breyne for a daddy. I get to see first hand what its like to have daddy's girls. Through them, I am learning and healing a part of me.
About a month ago Breyne left for the weekend to see a friend. We called him throughout the weekend and Ava kept telling him that it just wasn't ok he traveled without us and little Ruby kept saying dadadada.....all weekend. I am blown away.